What the...?!

People are putting me in charge of Things.  Do they not know me AT ALL?  What the...??

I don't WANT to be In Charge.

Sure, there was once a time I had dreams of being C.E.O. of Something and wearing a Lady Suit and be all buttoned up.  But that don't suit me now.

I only want to make YOU (meaning all the folks in which I come in contact) FEEL something.  I want to inspire tears, laughter, anger, compassion.. WHATEVER!

I want to sing and dance and play and climb trees/monkey bars and tell my stories with all the inappropriate voices... I want to Love everybody!   ....and that's it!

But NOOOOO.  People are starting to realize I am capable of Serious Things.  YUCK!  Oooooo yucky yuckerson  poo poo pants!

I liked when I had tiny babies and The People left me alone because I always had vomit on my left shoulder and dark circles under my eyes and a baby clinging to my exposed breast.  Over-exposure and a maniacal look in the eye is a repellent, I learned.

Now, however, my children are bigger than I, almost.

I am in charge of girls camp at church.  Collecting monies.  Medical forms.  Food stuffs.  20 Young ladies.  Arts and crafts.  Music (I actually love the music part).  Spiritual upliftment (I like that too, actually).

I work a job.  I talk to subcontractors and Important clients about insulation, grout, granite, base boards, and monies.  I sound very professional.  I get stuff done.  I can be counted on to Perform to the best of my ability.

Booooooooo!

What the...??

When did this happen?  I don't wanna!  WAHHHHH HAAAAA!

I have BEGGED my husband to pretty please with sugar on top KNOCK ME UP!  If only I had another baby or two (two would be ideal... I'd name them Pip and Pop)...  If I had a another child, The People would leave me alone.

I could say,  SHHHHHHHHH!  Can't you see the baby is sleeping?  I can't possibly discuss wash basins and how to build a camp fire.  You'll have to find someone else.

I'd like to warn The Old Woman Who lived in a Shoe who had so many children she didn't know what to do.   I'd like to issue a warning to that old hag and tell her the minute those birdees leave the shoe someone else will be knocking on her door with Things To Do.

Things To Do are highly over-rated.

Total Mom Post

"I heard a tapping on the roof!  I thought it was Satan trying to get us!" 

Literally seconds ago Maya and her two little friends screamed and ran down stairs.  The above statement is what Maya shared.

Then she started laughing. 

She realized how preposterous it was that Satan would be tapping on our roof.  Everyone knows Satan sleeps in your bed at night if you misbehave! (That's what my mom used to tell me right before she turned out the lights on days I stole stuff.  No joke. )

Satan has no need to tap tap tap when he can just use the front door! DUH.

It is my belief Maya was abusing The Family Satan Scare Tactic on her friends for her own entertainment... That's my girl!  Tricky.

Disclaimer:  I have NEVER used Beezlebub as a weapon.

**********


"Please, Please let me put ponytails and bows in your hair, my Love!" I said to Maya on Sunday morn.

"I hate ponytails and bows, Mom."

"But I want everyone to know you have a mommy!" I said.  "You look like a little orphan."

She relented.  "Fine!"

"Let me take your picture so I have proof when you grow up," I said.

She was disgusted with me and my camera and my bows and bells and whistles.

Tyson swept in and forced her frown upside down.  He's such a helpful boy!

"Oh Maya!  You look so beauitful!"  I gushed.  "Like a purple princess!  Will you ever forgive me?  I hope so because I love you sooooo much! I will wear purple too!  Then we can be twins!"

"Ok.  I forgive you," she sighed.  Generous.

The minute church was over she pulled all the frills out of her hair.  Little Orphan Maya.  It's a hard knock life...

*********


Maya:  I gave my phone number to Caleb today.

Me:  Oh.  Is he your boyfriend?

Maya:  NO!  He's BLOND!  He doesn't even look like me!!!

Me: So your boyfriend has to look like you?

Maya:  Yes.  Or else you won't fall in love with them.  ...I never had a boyfriend yet...

Ah. Young love. 
**********************

In other news it's freakin freezing around these here parts.  Pipes are busting and freezing all over desert Tucson. 

Schools were closed today. Desert rats are not equipped to deal with frigid weather or frigid women.

This Total Mom Post is a direct result of my frozen brain.

I think the end of the world is coming to a theatre near YOU.

A Buddhist and A Mormon

A Buddhist and a Mormon walk into a bar…

Just kidding. I’m not gonna tell a joke. This is a serious post so if you don’t want your heart strings pulled I suggest you stop reading.

OH! GOOD! You’re still here.

Story time.

I made a new friend yesterday.

“I’m Buddhist,” she said. “I’ve been a spiritual dance teacher for over a decade. I have received permission to continue learning in India.”

We sat cross legged and eyeball to eyeball on the floor of a busy hallway and talked.

Something was off. I could FEEL it in my bones.

“I spend a great deal of time in meditation,” she said.

Ugh. I could NOT get over that SOMETHING was WRONG with this woman.

Generally when I converse with very spiritual people who spend a great deal of time in prayer and meditation I feel a sense of calm. Very spiritual people calm me.

She continued talking. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

We talked about all the Stage Moms who were bickering and stressing over tu-tus and tights.

“It’s all so SILLY,” I said. “The things that are upsetting these women are so TRIVIAL!”

“I have been watching you today,” she said. “You are such a kind, happy person. You seem to be at peace amongst all of this chaos. I need someone like you in my house!”

Then she began to cry.

I immediately put my hand on her leg. She held my hand tightly.

“I am so unhappy! I’m ALWAYS in pain,” she said. “And I NEVER cry. NEVER! I always pretend I‘m Ok.”

“Then cry,” I said. “Go ahead and cry. I understand.”

And she did. She cried hard. Her tiny frame shook with the sobs.

I just held her hand.

“My little girl was taken from me! My x-husband fought me so hard! The courts just TOOK HER! He was so mean! She cried for me! She cried when she understood it was not her choice anymore. SHE WANTED MEEEE!”

She crumbled.

She told me details of her serious depression through her tears. I felt her pain acutely. My heart burned with her pain.

“I’m at the bottom! I’m so low I can’t ever come back. I KNOW in my heart I will NEVER be healed. I will NEVER be ok. I AM NOT OK!”

I remembered a conversation I had with my brother somewhat recently.

“Joe,” I said. “Things just cannot get any worse! I am so unhappy! It just can’t get worse!”

“If things can’t get worse, then they will get better. You can only go up when you are at the bottom. Good things will happen for you,” he said.

So I looked my new friend dead in the eye and said, “You are NOT Ok. I can see that. But you WILL be.”

“I will?” She sounded like a lost little girl. I felt her. Broken and Bruised.

“Yes,” I said with all the conviction of my soul. “If you are at the bottom, you can only go UP from here.”

She began sobbing hard again.

“But I HAVE NO HOPE! I prayed so hard to be able to keep my daughter. My teacher and all my friends prayed and NOTHING happened. She was TAKEN from me! I’m WORTHLESS. I’M SO WORTHLESS,” she wailed.

I can’t tell you how hard I prayed throughout this conversation.

Please, please God, HELP HER! Help her to see her great worth. Bless her and her child. Give her peace. Give her comfort. Give her hope. Let her feel Thy Love. Let her feel MY Love.

I repeated these things in my mind over and over as she spoke.

I comforted her as best I could with my words and my touch. But mostly I listened and prayed.

I felt calm and strong.

Since Fashion is ALWAYS a factor I looked down at my crazy silver pants and thought, “This is the WRONG outfit for this conversation. Completely incongruent with the subject matter.”

One of the last things she said really struck a nerve for me personally.

She said, “In my spiritual practice I’m a MESS! I’M THE WORST ONE!”

I often feel that way in my own spiritual practice. Among other Mormons I often feel I am the worst one. Do YOU ever feel like you’re the worst one?

I’ve had an epiphany:

SPIRITUALITY IS NOT A COMPETITION.

We all have trials we did not expect to face in life. We have all made mistakes we never intended to make. We have all been damaged in some way, haven’t we?

But we are not given the same trials and experiences as someone else. Our struggles are unique to each of us; Therefore, no comparison can be made.

My new friend is not the worst Buddhist and I am not the worst Mormon.

After we had conversed for an hour on the floor and our hands were sweaty from all the holding she asked me a question.

“I feel silly at this point. But what is your name?”

I smiled. “I’m Crystal. What’s yours?”

She smiled and told me.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said.

And it really was.

What an amazing honor for a stranger to trust the light she sees within me.

Om Namah Shivaya.  Namaste.

PS  I really dig that this dress has pockets. Fab lil detail. :)