Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Om Namah Shivaya

Om Namah Shivaya.  I honor the divinity that resides within me.

Yoga tonight.  Interesting how when I'm standing on my head suddenly things don't look so upside down.

I need God tonight.  I need Him every night but tonight I feel alone.  Do you ever find yourself surrounded by people yet still you feel all alone?

As I practiced yoga I felt Him.  I prayed as I practiced.  I thanked Him for my healthy body and for every muscle I stretched.  I thanked Him for His Love. I thanked Him for the Love I feel from the people who are important to me.  I thanked Him for the deep Love I'm able to render others.

At one point my right leg was completely wrapped around my right shoulder and I was balancing my entire body on my hands.  I giggled to myself and prayed, "I'm so grateful to be a human pretzle right now.  Thank you!"

I watched a mother with a small baby yesterday.  I love babies.  Babies are my favorite thing in the world.  I could have 10 babies and never tire of them.  When I have a baby in my arms I'm truly happy.

The baby I watched cried.  She was hungry.  She could not understand the pain she felt in her tiny tummy.  She thought the world would end with this hunger she felt.  She screamed until her face turned red.  She flailed her little hands and feet in frustration.

Her mother had a calm smile on her face as she fixed the child a bottle.  The mother understood her baby would be Ok.  Her baby would be fed and this trial that seemed so big to the tiny one would pass.  She would be satiated and drift off in peaceful slumber.

When I was upside down tonight I wondered why there is so much suffering in the world.  I thought about the very recent earthquake that destroyed an entire capital.  I thought about my two beautiful aunts that have lost their sons.  Why are people we love taken from us?  I thought about the things I face that hurt me.  Why does God allow our hearts to bleed?

Then I thought of that mother and her baby.  She understood on a higher level that this too shall pass.  She smiled down on her screaming baby lovingly and gave her what she needed when she needed it.

I imagine God very much the same.  We kick and scream and our hearts bleed at times.  We think our trials are the end of the world.  But He understands that this life is just a blip on the radar of our eternal journey.  He can see all of us.  He knows us intimately. He can see those of us who are living and he can see those who have passed on. It doesn't matter where in the wolrd we are.  Our race and the amount of money in our accounts don't matter.  There is no difference to him.  We are all alive and progressing in His eyes. 

I'm told this life is a test.  Sometimes I feel I'll fail.  A big fat "F-" on the report card of my life.  Sometimes I hope I can squeak by with a "C".  I never feel like I excell.  There is always more I can do.

Tonight I feel alone and helpless to the trials I face.  I've written before that we are never alone. I've written He is always with us.  I write it again to remind myself.  (Every writer has a recurring theme... this is mine.)

I'm told the Love of God is beyond our comprehension.  I think of the love I have for my own children.  I would die for them gladly.  If His Love is far beyond what I feel for them, it is truly great indeed.

My little Maya cried today because she wanted us to dress like twins.  She wanted us both to wear our black tu-tu dresses.  Hers was in the laundry.  She was heartbroken  Her trial was small to me.  Easily fixed.  I smiled lovingly at her enormous tears and washed the dress.  All was well.

Our trials are enormous to us.  The end of the world.  We flail our legs and arms and we cry.  This is where He encircles us in the arms of His eternal Love. Our trials are small to Him but because He loves us he answers when we call.  When I'm hungry He feeds me what I need when I need it.  He does the same for you.

Namaste    I honor the divine in you.

Now If you'll pardon me, I have an Oreo Bubble Bath screaming my name... (I'm so thankful for chocolate cookies with a creamy middle and for my enormous bath tub.)  :)