Friday, February 4, 2011

Total Mom Post

"I heard a tapping on the roof!  I thought it was Satan trying to get us!" 

Literally seconds ago Maya and her two little friends screamed and ran down stairs.  The above statement is what Maya shared.

Then she started laughing. 

She realized how preposterous it was that Satan would be tapping on our roof.  Everyone knows Satan sleeps in your bed at night if you misbehave! (That's what my mom used to tell me right before she turned out the lights on days I stole stuff.  No joke. )

Satan has no need to tap tap tap when he can just use the front door! DUH.

It is my belief Maya was abusing The Family Satan Scare Tactic on her friends for her own entertainment... That's my girl!  Tricky.

Disclaimer:  I have NEVER used Beezlebub as a weapon.


"Please, Please let me put ponytails and bows in your hair, my Love!" I said to Maya on Sunday morn.

"I hate ponytails and bows, Mom."

"But I want everyone to know you have a mommy!" I said.  "You look like a little orphan."

She relented.  "Fine!"

"Let me take your picture so I have proof when you grow up," I said.

She was disgusted with me and my camera and my bows and bells and whistles.

Tyson swept in and forced her frown upside down.  He's such a helpful boy!

"Oh Maya!  You look so beauitful!"  I gushed.  "Like a purple princess!  Will you ever forgive me?  I hope so because I love you sooooo much! I will wear purple too!  Then we can be twins!"

"Ok.  I forgive you," she sighed.  Generous.

The minute church was over she pulled all the frills out of her hair.  Little Orphan Maya.  It's a hard knock life...


Maya:  I gave my phone number to Caleb today.

Me:  Oh.  Is he your boyfriend?

Maya:  NO!  He's BLOND!  He doesn't even look like me!!!

Me: So your boyfriend has to look like you?

Maya:  Yes.  Or else you won't fall in love with them.  ...I never had a boyfriend yet...

Ah. Young love. 

In other news it's freakin freezing around these here parts.  Pipes are busting and freezing all over desert Tucson. 

Schools were closed today. Desert rats are not equipped to deal with frigid weather or frigid women.

This Total Mom Post is a direct result of my frozen brain.

I think the end of the world is coming to a theatre near YOU.