Thursday, February 3, 2011

Mormon Mish

Mormon Misionaries are people too, ya know.  You ever see those guys around?  They got the name tags and sometimes ride bikes in suits and ties and all?  I'm a fan.  

I fed the Mormon Missionaries today.

Big ol' Ham, mashed potatoes, tossed salad, rolls and brownies.

I signed up of my own violation.  (Usually I just let the "Feed The Missionaries" Clip Board slip right by.)

For those of you Not-Mormons: Young men are admonished to serve a 2-year full time mission when they turn 19.  They are sent all over the world to teach and preach.

Mad Respect to all the kids on a Mish.  Missions are a super huge deal.  Most dudes at the age of 19 are hookin up and gettin high.  Mormon 19 year olds are interviewed extensively to ensure there ain't no hanky panky.

Once on the mish they aren't allowed to listen to music or watch TV or date.  Ouch.

When we sat down to dinner tonight I was nosey right away.

"So... you guys have a Lady waiting for you at home?" I asked.

"I've got a few," said one.

The other hung his head.

So I pushed my luck.

"What about YOU?  Hmmmm?  You're awful quiet over there," I taunted.

"My girlfriend got pregnant recently...," he said.

We were all at a loss for words until 7 year old T-Bone shouted, "WELL HOW'D SHE GET PREGNANT?!" (T hasn't had The Talk yet...)

Our sad Missionary went on to say he and his Lady had been together TWO YEARS.  She promised to wait.  She promised her undying Love and Devotion.  Then she got knocked up.  The scoundrel took off.  Now she wants to be forgiven.  She e-mails constantly.  She plans to name her unborn son after Mr. Missionary! 

Poor guy is helpless and heartbroken.  He's from Canada, which is where I bought my fluffy red slippers. (See pic below.)

So I said, "See my fluffy slippers?  I bought them in Canada last fall.  They sell a lot of furry things in Canada." 

I think my Canadian slippers made him feel better about his prego GF.  Something to remind him of home...

"She obviously still loves you,"  I said.  "People make mistakes.  Would you ever consider her again?"

"I told her not to name her kid after me," he said.

Makes perfect sense.

Stranger then fiction, eh?

I wanted to know about their Mish experience thus far.

"So have you had any terrible, bad luck while you've been on your mission," I asked.  ( Good luck stories are boring.)

"Yeah.  I knocked on a door and three hillbillies came out with shotguns and told us to get off their property."

Hot dang!  That's ROUGH!

I had a missionary once upon a time.  My very own personal missionary.

He was tall and pretty.  A writer.  Chris.

Chris and Crystal.

Sometimes he stood me up on dates because he was writing and lost track of time.  But I always forgave, like an idiot.

We dated for 2 years.  I promised him my undying Love and Devotion.  I promised him I would wait.

He was sent to Poland.

Four months before Chris came home I met My Big Sexy Viking.  Sent the "Dear John".  Got hitched.

Poor Chris.  I felt really badly.  Don't worry.  He's recovered.

My man served a mission in Virgnia.  Good thing too.  Or I wouldn't have married him.  He was all tatooed up with a shaved head and hoop earrings when I met him.  And he got in punching fights all the time.  The mission redeemed him in my eyes.  People threw hamburgers and drinks at him and his companion when he was on his little missionary bike.  Mean.  He should have punched them.

 Mormon missionaries are pretty amazing.  They give up everything to Serve God and share Faith.  They go from door to door facing countless rejection.  They suffer heartbreak and heartburn. 

Makes me sad to hear about people being unkind to them.  :(  It also makes me wanna slash their tires.