"Congratulations!" I said vigorously shaking the hand of a five year old boy. "You've made it! 100 days days of school! That's quite an accomplishment!"
I volunteered at kinder today. Maya's class had a party to Celebrate 100 days of school for the year. (The school gets funding based on how many kids attend school on the 100th day so that's why...)
I was in charge of helping the young 'uns make these hats.
Riddle me this: Why have I used this skull as my model? Be creative.
I was SO excited about the 100th day of school I SANG ALOUD at the kinder celebration.
I sang Justin Beiber songs. "BABY, BABY, BABY OHHHH BABY BABY BABY..."
One child approached me and asked me to stop singing as it was giving him a headache. He was very polite.
Another child informed me he steals Justin Beiber's money. I was intrigued.
"Tell me more," I prompted.
"Well, I go to the bank and take all the money that is his because I hate his music," said the boy.
"Why aren't you in jail?" I asked.
"Because the police hate Justin Beiber's music too," said the boy.
No lie. (About the boy, not the police hating The Beib's music.)
Cake was served at 9am. Lemon. Mmmm. Yellow-ey.
The children discussed cake as they ate.
"Cake is JUNK!" said a boy with a mouthful.
"NO! IT'S NOT! IT'S FOOD! THAT YOU EAT! JUNK GOES IN THE TRASH!" said another.
"Cake is sugar," said a little girl.
"NOOOO! Sugar goes on the top. Like sprinkles." said Maya.
"Yeah. Only the top is sugar. The rest is bread. And bread is good for you," I said.
I love cake.
This morning before school I stood in the parking lot handing out Xanax and Valium to all the moms.
"CONGRATULATIONS!" I said. "100 DAYS OF SCHOOL! HERE YOU GO! YOU'VE EARNED IT!"
Once word got out, I was swarmed by mobs of women in pajama pants, Ugg boots and eye crusties.
"I want one! Hey! SHE GOT TWO! I WANT ANOTHER ONE!" said the women.
"Ladies! Ladies! I have enough Crazy Pills to go around. No need to shove. Now go home and watch Oprah from your DVR," I said.
I love my job.