Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Towel Trouble

I must warn you I am slap happy.  Downright silly.  I have hit that point.  Exhaustion WallUncontrolled Giggle Fit. 

My judgement is impaired. I can't be held reasonable.  At the moment I am SURE I am hilarious and clever beyond comprehension.  I have been wrong before.

ATTENTION!  This is not fake laughter... THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP!  nobody even said anything funny!  this laughter is completely unprovoked.  scary.
somebody stop me.

The subject I have chosen are TOWELS.  ( I said "are" on purpose so you would think I'm stupid.) 

I purchased a towel today.

(I must warn you I am laughing like a hyena right now.  And I haven't even said anything funny yet...)

I am disappointed.

New towels are a grave disappointment.  This is how I look when I'm disappointed.

My forehead is GI-NORMOUS!  Sheesh! It takes up half my face!

You should never expect much from a new towel. 

Expectations are the seeds of the disappointment bush.

New towels don't absorb liquid. Only gas. 

I ASSume they only absorb gas because the advert CLEARLY states that that towel I purchased for $6 is Extra Absorbant and since she refuses to absorb WATER...

New towels are cousins to seals and otters.  ARR! ARR! ARR! (That's the noises walruses make while mating in the wild.  They have the 2nd largest members... in the world.  Members means penis.) 

Water droplets just ROLL right off seals, otters and this towel without a CARE IN THE WORLD.

The sopping wet human may as well use a garbage bag to dry itself.

I like my OLD towel better.  I miss you, old friend. *said wisfully*

This is my old towel. 

We've seen a lot of hard times together.  This terry cloth wonder has seen me through THICK and THIN.  Like when I loose weight and then gain it again.  ( Wrote "loose" so you would wonder if I was an idiot.  CLEARLY NOT.)

As you can see this holy towel is worn and blue with stains that are from an ink pen that popped.  She makes me feel like an old friend.  Or a schizophrenic.

I realize I cannot keep my old towel forever.  People would talk.  I'd be the talk of the town if I went about galavanting with a beat up old rag all the time.

"Did you SEE Miss Crystal drying herself with that ratty old thing!  Why!  It's shameful!"  they would say.

And so, you see, I must move on.

My NEW towel is not yet nubby to the ways of the world.  He cannot possibly understand the relationship forged between me and SHE.

But relationships take TIME, don't they?  And patients.

 *chuckles softly* 

Why, in no time at all my NEW towel will absorb all the Love I have to give.

Hear are my words of wisdom for you.

Rome wasn't built in a day. *more softly with meaningful eye contact and gentle head nodding*  Rome wasn't built in a day.

PS  I am really humble because I am not looking so super hot and I still shared this intimate moment with you.  One always knows when I have been Cinderella all day because I wear bandanas with the knot the tippy top of my head.