Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Queen of All Wild Things (The Beast Within)

“What should I write about today, Bella?” I asked my nine year old.

We were at the zoo.

“Write about the beast within each of us,” she said.

My child is a thoughtful genius!

“You are a thoughtful genius, my love!” I said.

It was about 2000 degrees at the Tucson Reid Park Zoo. We took full advantage of the park’s water feature.

We then wandered about the grounds soaking wet and let the breeze gently dry us.

Story Time:

We strolled past the lion exhibit where we saw Mama and Papa lion chewin’ on a hunk ‘o something’. They looked pretty happy and chill.

Then this IDIOT went up to the glass and started banging on it and ROARING at the lions. He was shouting, “HERE LITTLE KITTY! ROAR!” and he just kept pounding on the glass with all his might. His children and woman giggled in anticipation. They had clearly seen this stunt before.

The lioness jumped up from her chew toy and showed all her teeth. She then proceeded to run toward the glass FULL FORCE! She ran straight to where my little Maya was standing and began ferociously pawing the thick glass. The only things that stood between my baby and that wild beast were 2 feet and a wall of glass!

My heart was in my throat! Instinctively, I yanked her away from the angry lioness.

The Lion Agitating MORON began laughing and howling and clapping like a retarded primate. “DUUUDE!! THAT WAS SOOO BAD!!!!”

Then he started banging on the glass again.

Then he’d grab one of his terrified children by the arm and yell, “BOO!” He laughed as the child convulsed in fear.

Can you say LUNATIC?

I corralled my children away from the disturbing man and frustrated animal and terrified children.

Maya looked up at me with clear blue eyes, “MAMA! That lion wanted to eat ME!”

I almost cried. My heart was still pounding so hard in my chest I couldn’t see straight.

As I blindly led my kids through the remainder of the zoo I thought about the beast within myself.

I have a few, actually. A HOT temper might be one of them. Another might be VANITY. I’m sure you’re shocked.

I’ve got TONS of beasts. I’m like Beauty and THE BEASTS. And they rear their ugly heads when I least expect.

….”they roar their terrible roars and show their terrible claws and gnash their terrible teeth… oh please don’t go we’ll eat you up we love you so!”

The more I give into the Beasts Within, the stronger they grow. The more I give in, the more they adore me and claw at me internally wanting to be released. The more I give in, the more they want to take me over completely.

It’s like, one minute I’m minding my business, and out of NO WHERE some imbecile starts bangin’ on my glass.

Do you ever notice that in yourself? One minute you’re all calm and serene and watching your weight and the next you’re a gluttonous pig downing 2 Big Macs and a Super-Sized Fries with an Apple Pie for dessert?

It’s like the idiot bangin’ on your glass is the Big Mac and the monster within you is a Big-Fat-Gelatinous -Jabba-the-Hut. “kjhi uiyiuljkbiug buuuurgggerb ghab!!!!”

An example in current affairs is Jesse James. He had a sexy, tattoed vixen bangin’ on his glass. His internal beast reared it’s ugly head and he gave in, losing America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, and his dignity in the process. Bummer!

I don’t judge Mr. Jesse James. We all make mistakes. We all have beasts within. I’m sure he has suffered greatly for his sins. We live and learn, don’t we?

The thing that super sucks about Beasts Within is you never outgrow them. NEVER! As long as you’re alive you WILL battle SOMETHING. You will kill one beast only to discover another lurking in it’s shadow.

I’m told it’s a matter of BRIDLING those passionate beasts. SELF-CONTROL.

I recently read there is a sharp increase in 50 year olds taking up drugs such as heroin, cocaine and marijuana. The number has nearly DOUBLED since 1992!


So instead of graying granny baking chocolate chip cookies for the kiddies she’s baking brownies with a dash of WEED?! And when she excuses herself to powder her nose…????? Oh my.

Poor Gran is rockin’ back and forth with knitting in her lap when Mary Jane starts bangin on her glass. “Graaannnny!!!!! Youuu whooooo! Time for some herbal refreshment!” Suddenly she’s jonsin’. Next thing ya know, Grandma Pearl is high as a kite!

Sad, really.

What’s bangin’ on YOUR glass? What makes YOU come unglued?

I really hate it when people gossip about me.

Heaven help the fool who says bad things behind my back (even if they’re true) cuz if I find out… ROOOOAAAARRRR AND FANGS AND CLAWS AND LOTS OF NAUGHTY WORDS AND GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

“the trick of looking into all their yellow eyes without blinking once and so they made her QUEEN of all wild things

…oh please don’t go! We’ll eat you up we love you so! But CRYSTAL said… No….”