Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Public Pool

“Watch my stuff for a minute so I can pee, “ I said.

“At this pool you can pee in the water. I just did,” said Serena.

“And you’re swimming 2 feet away from me?!” I said.

So I decided to sit and relieve myself. When in Rome…

I didn’t really urinate in the pool. But I am positive that every ONE of 50 children I see before me at this very moment have contributed to strengthening my immune system. I’m grateful.

I really AM grateful today.

I’m grateful to live in a community that offers a PUBLIC pool with lots and lots of PUBLIC PEOPLE that many or may not contribute to the liquid content of said Tucson Parks and Rec PUBLIC POOL.

How can I possibly love my neighbor if I don’t know WHO my neighbor is?!

Here amongst The People I can become more tolerant to the differences of those around me. I can become more tolerant of strange, disgusting men with inordinate amounts of belly hair who stare at me and my 11 year old daughter. I can become more tolerant to various diseases and fungi that have surely made a breeding ground of the facility.

At this pool there are neighbors of every race, age, shape and size. I enjoy talking to the neighbors. We ARE swimming in one another’s bodily fluids, after all. I don’t mind. I really don’t. I never had this much fun when I owned my own private pool.

When I had a pool in my very own backyard I actually had to WATCH my kids in order that they might not drown privately. HERE, however, I can rely on the many, many teenaged lifeguards who are not actually watching my children either but instead watching EACH OTHER in the hopes of some post-life guarding action.

Instead of watching my kids I can actually read the newspaper like a respectable adult.

The front page of the Arizona Daily Star featured an article about a 81 year old man. The man crashed into a CARWASH last Saturday, injuring a woman. I’m sure he just didn’t SEE it coming. Carwashes are very unpredictable and often tend to jump out at 81 year old men for the sheer comedic value.

The old man “had no recollection” of the crashes. Well. Yeah. If carwashes were just jumping out at me in broad daylight I might choose to block out that memory too! It’s ok, Gramps. It could happen to anyone.

I’M NOT DONE! Get this! Two days later the old man rear-ended a truck. THEN he backed up and HIT IT AGAIN!!! THENNNNN (I am NOT making this up) he hit ANOTHER vehicle THREE MORE TIMES!!!!!!THEEEENNNNNNN he turned the car over to his wife who hit a 70 year old lady, “PINNING HER TO A BUILDING”. !!!!!!!

I think ageism is wrong. The man should definitely KEEP his license and continue driving.

After I had my fill of serious current events my children began The Begging.

“Please go down the slide with us!!!” they said.

“Nope. There are no other mommies going down the slide. I won’t go.”

The slide became addicting and invigorating. I felt like a child again. Or at the very least, a very immature adult who should NOT be going down swirly, curly PUBLIC SLIDES at the PUBLIC POOL Nor should I be making CRAZY conversation with the lifeguard on duty that involves animated and confusing arm gestures.

I chose to wear a tank top over my swim suit for these pics because Mormons are not supposed to wear two-piece bathing suits and I don’t want any of them to find out I do not actually own any ONE PIECE bathing suits. If you could keep this a secret between just US I would appreciate it. I would like to keep my unblemished reputation in tact.

I am sure that when I am old and saggy I will suddenly develop a strong testimony of one-piece swim suits with frilly skirts attached that actually only draw MORE attention to my imperfections. Until that time I will continue to wear tanks over my suit for blog pics and when I am invited to swim at Lori’s pool. (Lori is cool and wouldn’t care.)

If you are going to leave a judgemental comment please remember that Creativity Counts. Thank you.