"Don't worry, Crystal will write all about this tomorrow. Some of it may not be true but you’ll believe it anyway… even if you were there,” said Julian.
I said, “AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should ALWAYS believe EVERYTHING I write, even if you were there and you know it didn’t happen.”
It’s called creative license! It’s also called LYING. But I’m REAL, baby, so I promise that EVERYTHING I write happened in my mind, which as far as I’m concerned is the TRUTH and the WHOLE TRUTH so help me…
Julian and Lori hosted a barbeque today. Julian made AMAZING burgers and Lori made me laugh.
Lori ALWAYS makes me laugh. I come positively UNGLUED. Lori is the one pictured above holding a plate of food and puckering. Her earrings are from Kohl's and they work with everything.
JANA and her 6 ordinary kids and ordinary husband were also present. Jana is the one rolling her eyes at me. I read Jana’s blog everyday so I know her very, very well. (We’ve met once in real life.)
“You should say hello to my girls. They think you’re a celebrity. They read your blog everyday. You should autograph something for them,” said Jana.
Jana is super chill and respectable and Mormon and hilarious. Mormon and hilarious are not mutually exclusive qualities, it seems. I really like her because she laughs at everything I say and I am needy.
We took pics for our respective blogs.
I said, “K ladies. Be FUNKY! THROW OUT A PEACE SIGN OR SOMETHING!” I had all kinds of energy.
Jana said, “No.”
JUST LIKE THAT! No.
Do you get the hilarity here? I’m like, EVERYBODY HOLLLLAAAAA!!! And she’s all like, “No.”
I laughed like a blessed fool. Then I decided to make her VERY uncomfortable by rubbing my booty all over her hip as we were posing for pics. As you can clearly see, I was enjoying my joke.
Mission accomplished. Jana was VERY uncomfortable with my rear on her hip. She had a hard time looking me in the eye.
So I was really obnoxious, which is totally in character for me.
“HAHAHAHA! JANA WON’T LOOK ME IN THE EYE BECAUSE I RUBBED MY BOOTY ON HER DURING THE PICTURE!! AHAHAHA! SHE’S ALL RED NOW! AHAHAHA!”
Jana is a great sport and I know she has no problem teasing me, which is how it should be. She attempted to look my in the eye. I could tell it was painful.
Then Dani and Michelle were there too. One of these women is actually NOT MORMON! I don’t want to divulge her identity so I will just say, her name rhymes with Fanny.
Michelle and Fanny were like, “We were HOPING you would come!! Do something funny!” Then they sat and looked at me. I sang something.
I was like, “HELLO MY HONEY! HELLO MY DARLIN’! HELLO MY RAGTIME GAAAAALLLLL…”
Then Jana’s girls were like, “SING THE CARS THAT GO BOOM!!”
This is the very first time they had ever met me in real life.
I was like, “I couldn’t POSSIBLY perform at this barbeque. HOW EMBARRASSING!”
Then me and Lori were like, “I’M TIGRA! SHE’S BUNNY AND WE LIKE THE BOOM!” There was a great deal of booty shaking and jazz shoulders involved, which is involuntary when performing CARS THAT GO BOOM.
I WAS A HIT! And so was Lori, since it was her house and her burgers and her Julian that thinks my blog is funny and teases me in front of people which I really enjoy because I am most comfortable when I am the center of attention.
