Monday, March 1, 2010

Lipstick Matters

Orange lipstick makes me CRAZY! I wore it today and suddenly a Super Silly Song popped into my head. I couldn’t stop singing it. I don’t know where I heard it. I don’t know when I learned the lyrics. I don’t know who wrote it. All I know is I smeared orange cosmetic on my lips and BLAM!



The kids LOVED my rapping (if you can call it that).  They made me repeat it 598 times.  FUN!

My hair is kind of a frizzy mess because in addition to the crazy song about CARS THAT GO BOOM! I played Tickle Monster with Maya on the floor for a hour. Prior to the lipstick application I thought I might fold some laundry. Instead, I rolled around on the floor with my five year old. She kicked me in the head repeatedly. And passed gas without reserve. (Gas and kicks to the head are only two of the perils of Tickle Monster. It's a dangerous game.)

Did you know LIPSTICK MATTERS?! It’s true! In every matter LIPSTICK MATTERS!

Back in the 1800’s lipstick was actually banned because it caused men to desire women more passionately. They couldn't handle a woman with a succulent red mouth back then. (I'll tell ya a secret... they can't handle it now either! Tee hee. Men are big babies.)

The color of your lips says a great deal about who you are and what you’re feeling. The lack of lipstick says something too. Chapped lips are a disaster!

I get just plain sad when I see how many women walk around in public bare-lipped. I want to scream, YOUR MOUTH IS NAKED! God gave you a beautiful kisser! Adorn it!  SHEESH!

I suppose it’s the Latina in me that has such strong feelings regarding lipstick. My mom used to put it on before she went outside to pull weeds. My grandmother was impoverished in Mexico but she never went without.

If my mother ever saw a woman in public with no makeup she referred to her as “CARA DE NALGA”. Cara=Face. De=Of. Nalga=Butt Cheek. Got it?! No lipstick= Face of Butt Cheek. Mmmmk? Mmmmmk.

How would a man react if he walked through the door after work on a Tuesday and found his woman with LIPSTICK on?! That man would click his heels together. He’d think it was his lucky day! What happens after the lipstick application is up to the woman, of course. Maybe she could say, “Play your cards right, Big Boy and YOU’LL be wearing this lipstick!” Imagine the look in his eye… DOWN, BOY!

When I wear red lipstick it means I’m feelin’ sexy and saucy. Red means GO! Red says ‘READ MY LIPS.’ Red knows no boundaries.

A light pink lip generally means I feel flirty and playful.

A nude lip means today my eyes are the window to my soul.

Sparkly gloss says I wanna go with the flow.

Here’s a pic I took a few months ago. What does it say? Can you see how I felt? I built my outfit around the lip. (I do that a lot.) This was during my darkest hour. I was obviously super duper depressed.  I believe I may have planned my own funeral that day.  This picture says 'I'm so sexy I think I'll sit in the garage with the ignition on...'.   (I kinda miss that purple hair though...)

In every matter LIPSTICK MATTERS!

So today I woke up and thought… HOW DO I FEEL? Then I thought,

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Banana who?

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Banana who?

Knock. Knock.

Who's there?


Orange who?!

Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!?


(Sorry for the bad joke.  It's the CRAZY ORANGE lipstick talkin'.  Quite a mouthful, isn't it?)