Thursday, April 5, 2012
Encumbered and Pineappled
Here is a picture of me holding a pineapple. This pineapple was $1 at El Super.
Pineapples are delicious. I love to chop them up and freeze them and eat them like candy whilst I watch TV at night.
Cucumbers are 7 for $1 at El Super, which is a Mexican super market located in south Tucson!!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT CRAP!!!
They may as well have a sign that reads:
Cucumbers and Pineapple: Practically For Free
Safeway and Fry's sell THEIR rip off cucumbers for, like, $0.79 EACH!!! Pineapples are normally three dollars and something cents!!
It feels like stealing now. Safeway and Fry's are produce money thieves.
They produce LIES.
I feel encumbered by this heavy knowledge.
How can I function in normal society knowing that I have been fed LIES for so long? I thought I was being fed healthful fruits of my labors but NO. I have been swallowing LIES.
I'd like to find the man responsible for the blatant dishonesty and slap him silly with a generous cucumber.
"DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?!" I would shriek. "DID YOU THINK I WOULD NEVER FIND OUT?!! HOW LONG DID YOU THINK YOU COULD KEEP THIS DIRTY LITTLE SECRET?!"
He would take his beating like a champ, knowing he was wrong. He would beg my forgiveness and offer me a watermelon.
I know this knowledge about said oblong fruit and said spikey fruit because my mom bought me a bunch of groceries today.
OUT OF THE BLUE!
My mom is great for a lot of reasons. Today I celebrate her love of buying me FOOD.
We ADORE food, my mom and I. We love to talk about it. Think about it. Dream about it. Read about it. Slice it. Dice it. Sexy spice it.
Cook it. Savor it.
And complain about how fat we are immediately after we have relished it. It's a tradition.
You should know my mom is teeny and tiny and curvy. Men still think she's a hot mama. No need for concern about being fat. ...But like I said, it's a tradition. And far be it for us to stand in the way of tradition.
I was working for my mom at the family office today and she showed up with BAGS AND BAGS of fresh food from the Mexi market.
She brought me apples, pineapples, cucumbers, tomatoes, pan dulce, pan birote, fresh jalapenos, canned jalapenos, jicama, lemons, limes, oranges, grapes, and some weird peppers I don't know how to cook!!!!
My mom is THE BEST!
PS Beautiful, plump, juicy, succulent red peppers are 6 for a $1 at El Super. Safeway charges $1.29 for ONE!!!