Monday, March 12, 2012

Finally Famous

You can see by my mug shot #1,  I've been caught red handed, my friends. 

My first shot finds me very unhappy because my face lacks tattoo ink.  I am saddened and discouraged by my lack of permanant makeup.  I only wear passe washable makeup.  Time to take the bull by the horns!

I have been discovered. 

Tonight my cousin, Aaron, texted me the above with the caption "Finally Famous".

I have no idea how he came across this ad. But there is no denying it.  It is I, Crystal the sparse brow-ed Pistol.

I was a permanent makeup model.  My friend, Michelle, was the artist.  She charged me very little for the services, which normally are quite pricey.

We got straight to work stabbing needles millions and millions of times into the tender flesh of my lips to feign bright color.  I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO APPLY LIPSTICK AGAIN!

The finished product left me with enormous swollen lips for several days, which my husband found exteremly alluring.

I sat very still as Michelle poked my eyelids for hours. Poke. Poke. Stab. Stab.  SCAB.

Eyebrows were no different.  My eyes watered at the pain and wonderful wonder of not having to perform this mundane task day after day.  I was set for life!

Since that time (4 years ago) my face tattoos have faded.  There is little that remains of them.

I now use a $.99 kohl liner from Walmart to line my eyes.  A brown one fills my brows.  A similar quality lip liner colors my mouth.

There was a time in my life when my biggest concern was material.  Me.  Material Me.  I had money to burn for various cosmetic procedures.  I wanted to freeze frame my face.  Stop time with a cream and a Starlux laser.

I watched The Road with my husband tonight.  Our DVD player wouldn't work so we cuddled up on our bed with my little laptop between us and watched.  Well, I watched the movie... my husband watched ME... patiently awaiting his turn for me to watch him back.

The Road is a post-apocalyptic story.  People are eating each other for want of food.  It is society's worst nightmare.  Suicide is common to escape the hell of a dying Earth.

As the movie came to an end my husband became more and more amorous.

"Wait," I said.

"Hmmm?" he murmured, his thoughts on the very near future.

"I need you to promise to do something for me."

"I'll do anything for you, baby."

"I want you to get a year supply of water for our family immediately.  I want it as soon as possible."

He chuckled.

"That movie freak you out?"

"Hell yeah it freaked me out!  Our prophets have been telling us forever to have a year supply of food and water.  We don't have it!"

He kissed my mouth gently to shut me up.

"Okay," he mumbled to appease me.  "Okay, I'll get the water."

Before we had to leave our custom house a couple of years ago, I had stock piled a year supply of delicious foods.  My pantry was crammed with cans of oysters and boxes of Ghiradelli.

The economy snatched our house away.  We were able to sell it.  Luckily.

We lost our business.

Our income was greatly diminished.  It took some time for me to get used to functioning on the lesser monies.

I once or twice found myself crying outside the grocery store in the parking lot so great was the stress of figuring how to stretch a paycheck in order to feed my family for 2 weeks.

We ate through our blessed year supply of food in our new house.  And I was grateful for it.  My children were grateful for it.  And after a long hard day of fighting dragons, my husband was grateful for it.

Having followed the counsil of our Mormon prophets to keep a storage of food for emergencies worked for us.  It saved us. 

My stock pile is now all but gone now.  Time to build it up again.

I marvel at how very far I have come.

Not so very long ago my biggest concern was fun cosmetic procedures.  And don't get me wrong... I'd do it again.  FOR SURE!  Permanent makeup is AWESOME!  It saves so much time!  Contact Michelle if you live in the area and would like a consultation.  She is THE BEST! I've trusted her with my face. That says a lot!

But not so very long ago I was flighty and slippery on the surface.

I never would have used my disposable income on something so boring and not glittery as canned goods.  I have changed.

Now I'm a grown up.  I'm working on my food storage.

I still wanna be pretty though.  So I'm gonna save up for that. Pretty can get expensive these days.

I mean, who wants to be UGLY during the apocalypse?  NOT ME.  That's for sure!  Not me.