Perhaps I should have been?
But then again. No.
The elderly can say whatever they want. They've lived on this god forsaken planet long enough to have earned that right. THEY HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
Seniors got in free today. They were everywhere. Shuffling along in orthopedic shoes they made their way among the booths. They hummed. Some hawed. They slowly pushed their walkers from isle to purchase free isle. Silver haired ladies and shiny headed men confidently took over the Arizona Home Show at the T.C.C. today.
I was meant to be charming and delightful. I was meant to sell people on the idea of building a lovely high end custom home with Golden Star Properties
"Hello sir," said I to a trembling man with grey hair covering only the sides and back of his freckled head. "May we build you a custom home?"
"Nope," said he.
I smiled. "Are you having a good day at the show?"
"Yup."
"Wonderful! There sure are a lot of people here today. Aren't there?"
"I just came over here to say I appreciate a young lady that wears a dress. You look real nice."
"Well thank you! What a kind thing to say," I smiled some more. I'm good at smiling.
"Yeah. These days you can't tell if young ladies are selling products or just sex with the way they dress."
"Oh! .... I...". .... ????!!!!! I admit my winning smile faltered here.
"I get so sick of pretty young girls looking like whores all the time. Seems like all they want to sell is sex and more sex."
I had collected myself by the time he uttered "sex and more sex." I was ready. I would not be intimidated by years of wisdom and lack of decorum. NO SIR! NOT ME!
"You are SO right, sir! " I said with teeth glinting and an upturned mouth. Cheshire cat in action. "Why at the last home show I saw a couple of lovely young ladies wearing teeny tiny half shirts and itty bitty short shorts and cowgirl boots. They were selling something at a booth. But I can't even remember WHAT they were selling! They were advertising SEX that's what! They sure got a lot of attention."
"HUMPH!" said the wise old man. "I just say what I think."
"Me too!" I winked and smiled.
"HUMPH!" he said again. "You look real nice. You just keep that up."
"Yes, sir. You have a nice day now."
In other news I taught my mother a new word tonight.
NOOKIE.
As soon as the wise old sexy man left I exclaimed,
"BAHAHAHA! Did you guys hear what that old dude just said to me?"
I told my parents the story but used the word "nookie" instead of "sex". It felt less brash to say "nookie"
"...so then he said [blah blah blah] NOOKIE AND MORE NOOKIE!... HAHAHAAA!" I giggled.
My father laughed heartily but then felt slightly guilty and shook is head.
My mother smiled weakly.
"What is... noo... key?" she asked with her thick (albeit charming) Mexican accent.
"Nookie is another word for sex," said I.
"OH! ........Nick... key?" she said, unsure.
"No, mom. NOOK. KEY."
"Nike... key?" her brows were knit together in concern.
"NOOK. KEY, MOM." I said loudly. "NOOK. KEY. NOOK. KEY. NOOKIE!"
My dad looked around nervously. "Geez, why don't you say it louder, Crys? The old, deaf man three rows down didn't hear you."
I wore a bratty gleam in my eye and smiled my winning smile.
"Mmmmk, daddy. ANOTHER WORD FOR SEX IS NOOKIE."
I feel badly my parents ended up with such an unruly child. They are never ones to encourage lowbrow humor. I am the bringer of filth in this family. I find it lightens the load and passes the time.
My parents are hardworking, respectable, clean-minded Americans who don't even know the word "nookie". I'm so proud if them!
I am a naughty girl indeed. Time to repent. :)
