Saturday, November 19, 2011
She Has Exceptionally Boingy Hair
I am officially the mother of a teen. I had hoped this day would never come.
I am tempted to ask Serena if she wouldn't mind wearing diapers and sucking a binky (just around the house, of course) in order to take me back to a simpler time. I want her to be my baby forever and ever!
Her babyhood was a time of crying and burping and pooping and nursing and fragmented sleep intervals.
Now I face a time of crying, burping, pooping and fragmented sleep intervals.
I stay up nights worrying about mean girls... and boys... Boys are a great potential threat.
I have prepared a speech for my daughter,
"There will be no boys for you. Ever. You will live in my home and care for me and and I will pay you sufficiently. I will feed you and allow you to rub my feet at noon daily. You have no need to go to high school or (heaven forbid) college! I will treach you all you need to know about the world from the comfort of your very own room... Lesson number 1 Boys Will Be Boys...You are far too young..."
Then she will grow her hair very long and a frog will croak outside her window and she will throw down her curly hair which is ideal for frog climbing. And he will climb into her window and kiss her and the frog will become Justin Beiber.
Serena has not had a serious interest in any one boy yet- she likes all the boys equally. I am concerned.
We invited a gaggle of girls to the house last night to celebrate the life of my precious, innocent angel.
A game was played entitled "Truth or Truth". The subject was kissing. KISSING! Those who had tasted the forbidden lip of boy had to stand up the middle of the circle and explain themselves.
Only one little girl had been kissed. She had blue hair.
Apparently 12 year old boys go simply batty when presented with a Blue Hair. SMOOCHY SMOOCHERSON!
Regarding my own girls... PHEW! I was relieved.
Then I kicked that blue hair girl out into the cold. I will not have a confessed frequent kisser influencing my innocent baby. HMPH!
I'm terrified for the future. I hope I am equal to the teen rearing task. I'll SPANK her sassy little rear as I do my rearing duties, I will!
I am having a special paddle made for each child of mine with his/her name carved in their favorite color. And I WILL use them, those paddles! I WILL!
I'll question Serena in a stern manner,
"Did you do your homework? ...YES? Well... I'm gonna spank ya anyway, COME 'ER."
SPANK SPANK SPANK.
I just hope she doesn't start sneaking out the window like I did when I was a teen. Or shoplifting at the mall...
Oh boy... I hope Karma gives cuts me a break... I'm a really good person now!!
Please pray my children are more obedient than I was!
Praise For Serena~
She is a very good girl. she helps around the house. Her GPA is exceptional. I never have to nag her about homework. She is president of her Beehive class at church. She has a wonderful, intelligent, clean sense of humor. She is a born leader. She babysits for children in the neighborhood and for her own siblings as well. Serena has a heart of gold and loves to serve others. I love her to the moon and back a gabilliob trillion google times. She has very boingy hair....
Happy BirthWeek, Serena Star! I LOVE YOU!!!