Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I'm An Alpha Female. ?

"You are the alpha," says my cousin, T.

We are in the waiting room of Tucson's St. Mary's Hospital.  My uncle is still in ICU. We are told he is doing well but must be kept under close observation.

So we wait.  We eat the grocery store sushi one of my aunts has provided.  I help myself to handfuls of (cousin) Jessica's Flaming Hot Cheetos.  Diet Coke washes down my sins.

Tia Letty and I laugh regarding the compassion of the promiscuous woman.

"You are the alpha" is T's observation.

T is a military man with a Master's in math.  He does deferential equations on the weekend for fun.  It's his father that lies in ICU.

T doesn't say much.  He observes.  It's always the quiet ones you should watch out for...

"What do you mean I'm the alpha?" I ask.  "What in the world would give you that impression?  Can girls be alphas?"

"Before you got here everyone was somber and still.  Your arrival has rejuvenated everyone. All you had to do was walk in the room.  You are a good listener.  You listen with vibrancy."

He doesn't say much else.  I don't want to push.

Be cool, Crys.  Be cool.

So I nod and change the subject.

I'm freaking out here!  Can it be true?  Am I really an alpha?

I begin to feel prideful and puffed up and superior.


ROAR! BARK! BARK! BARK! Sniff.  Chase my tail. Meow.

I go home and look up Alpha Female Personality.

Holy Moses!  It's TRUE!  I AM an alpha (sort of )!  I'm delightful and a good listener and a leader and I don't have a job so that doesn't apply to me but I am ambitious!  When I get to cleaning a potty or window I am AMBITIOUS, boy! I'll clean the HECK outta that there window or potty.

In addition, the article says words like sexy, sassy, strong and desirable.  I'd be an idiot to turn that down.

The more I read the above link the more I think, Hey! I resemble that remark!"

Here is a for instance,

3) Strength
While she happily takes a more submissive role when dealing with a true MAN, she can hold her own in the boardroom or on the street. She commands the respect of other people and is selective about who she invites into her life. She has a pleasing personality. She is warm and friendly, but also strong when necessary. 

You see??  I am submissive when dealing with a true man!  So true.  They like that, those men. Makes them feel powerful and strong and in control.  I like to give to my man that gift all wrapped up in a lovely bow.  It's very nice of me.

I don't go on the street or the boardroom but I can hold my own in the kitchen, by George!

And I am very selective about who I let into my life.  I always thought it was because my mom is autistic and friends were never a priority unless those friends were characters in a book.  But it's actually because I am an alpha!   

Did you know "alpha animals are given preference to be the first to eat and the first to mate; among some species they are the only animals in the pack allowed to mate. Other animals in the community are usually killed or ousted if they violate this rule" ? 

What if humans operated by the same system?

What if the big alpha meatheads in your community KILLED other males who tried to mate?  Food for thought, eh?   

In truth I think everyone is an alpha when in their own element.  (Except for my mother who is intimidating no matter where she roams.)

The omega at a chess tournament could very well be the alpha on the football field.

The alpha of supermodels is probably the hungry, dim-witted gamma of any activity requiring objective thought. 

While I am confident and vibrant in many situations I find myself a shrinking violet when mingling with 6th generation saints of pioneer stock with green jello in their very DNA's.  I can't hang.  Square peg.  Round hole. Try as I might to squeeze my elbows in.

Where are YOU an alpha?