Would you hold me while I cry?
UGH! THE VERY WORDS MAKE MY STOMACH HURT! Seriously. The idea of ever uttering these words to another human soul literally makes my chest tighten and heart race and teeth clench.
WOULD YOU HOLD ME???? WHILE I CRYYYY???
*shudders*
Gross.
STUPID!
Hello. My name is Crystal Pistol and I am an Avoider.
(To break it down further I am An Avoider in my marriage and A Pleaser in my original family. In short, I'm a hot mess.)
According to the self-help book I am reading at the moment, I am An Avoider.
I avoid emotion. I prefer to be calm and collected. Self-sufficient. Independent. I revel in alone time. I don't talk about feelings. I avoid sappy people and situations whenever possible. They make me uncomfortable.
The book is entitled How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich.
I hate this book. I want to throw it at the wall!
HOW DARE THOSE KNOW-IT-ALL AUTHORS PEEK INTO MY SOUL AND EXPOSE ME SO!! HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME VULNERABLE BY SUGGESTING I CHANGE IN ANY WAY!!! DARN THEM! DARN THEM TO HECK! GOSH DARN IT!
The book also (wrongly) suggests that I resort to anger rather than allowing myself to feel sadness or pain. WHATEVER!!
Other Love Styles discussed include:
The Pleaser
The Vacillator
The Choatic (both Controller and Victim)
All of these Love Styles are unhealthy. Awful, really. Chances are you probably fit one of the descriptions.
My being An Avoider is my parent's fault. And their parent's fault before them. So says How We Love.
The faulty way in which YOU love is YOUR parent's fault. And when your children grow up their relationship issues will stem back to YOUR relationship issues.
Awesome, right?
The question I pose to you is Does ANYBODY do it right?
Have you ever ACTUALLY met someone that has Love figured out?
I'd like to shake her hand.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea here. I don't want you to think I am reading this book because my marriage isn't PERFECT. Don't be ridiculous. OF COURSE MY MARRIAGE IS PERFECT! Isn't yours?
Back to me:
I'm so disillusioned. All this time I thought I was the ideal wifey! I thought my lack of nagging and confrontation and peaceful demeanor and wicked sense of humor made me the most blameless/wonderful spouse/daughter/mother/friend in the land.
I admit I have a lot of work to do... (That book really stressed me out tonight, man.)
But I will NEVER, EVER, EVER utter the pathetic phrase,
Would you hold me while I cry?
I have no problem holding you while YOU cry. Cry away. Cry yourself a river. Wah wah wah crybaby cry... Just kidding. I am very sensitive when no one actually wants ME to be gooey and emo.
On the flip side I will be happy to avoid any further mention of feelings by posting pictures that are in no way emotional.
Here I am with scarecrows in my arms and a scary apparition floating behind me. Booo!
Here I am sexy possesed with my eyes rolled back in my Avoider face. Serena is happy and silly and wearing my sweatpants and holding my red phone in order to text her friends because I believe she is too young for a phone of her own which necessarily makes me the lamest mom on the planet.
Pumpkin on my head.
More fun with pumpkins. Pumpkins help me avoid the issues in my hollow heart.
Bella tossing ham with glee.
Actively avoiding my deeply repressed feelings through music. Drowns out the empty Pain of my bleeding soul I am too terrified to face.
