Wednesday, October 19, 2011
That's what counts with children...
For years I was told I was far too lax.
"You let your children walk all over you!" was the constant refrain. "They need RULES. They need discipline! They need a good spanking!"
Sure. When my Bella asked for an Oompla Loompa for Christmas one year I did become slightly ridiculous about procuring a tiny person for her. But now he is part of the family and rubs my feet every night whilst I devour Willy Wonka's famous Scrumdidliumtuous bars. I'd say it was a sound investment on my part.
When a three year old Serena knocked a child on his head at the playground because he was on her equipment I made sure to pretend I didn't see the event in question.
Let children be children, I always say... But then there was the mother of that knocked down boy who tried to scold my precious, innocent baby girl... I simply wouldn't have it! I stormed over to that woman and shouted obscenities two inches from her face until my husband dragged me away. I can be proactive when the need arises.
Until recently I never made my children make their own beds. That was MY job, of course. Sweet little angels should spend their hours playing and laughing. The making of beds is for women who have already bid adieu to their youth and childhoods in exchange for a family of their very own...
I let my Maya wear the same pair of denim shorts every day to kindergarten last year. She became hysterical at the mention of another article of clothing. She is very loyal. I let her have her way. Why upset her with confusing options and the vanity of a complicated wardrobe?
When my son sprinted circles around me at the Walmart today I scarcely acknowledged his bad behavior. I may have said, "Stop running, honey" so softly as for him not hear me... until a grumpy older woman began glaring at me and shaking her fist and shouting for me to control my child. She further scolded that children these days are disrespectful and unkempt.
I'll have you know my children are QUITE respectful ( of any adult that is not me) AND kempt! Hmph.
Given the lackadaisical nature of my parenting one would think them ignorant little monsters, hoodlums and bullies.
Report cards came today.
REPORT CARDS CAME TODAY!!!!
MY CHILDREN ARE GENIUS YOUNG HUMANS DESPITE MY MOTHERING!!!
Serena boasts a 3.85 GPA.
Bella pulled in a 3.7 without breaking a sweat.
Tyson got 110% on his end of the quarter report. (I may have added the extra ten percent but HE DESERVES IT!!! - because the freckles are so darn cute.) He has also got perfect scores on every spelling test this year which include difficult bonus words such as Superchocolationatory.
Maya has also received perfect scores on every spelling test thus far and continues to wear the same (new-these are her first grade shorts...) pair of shorts every day to school as they help her think clearly.
I may continue to provide my children with live-in giraffes and live otters for the bathtub when they desire it but they are growing up to become civilized, caring citizens that will contribute to society in myriad positive ways.
In fact, just today I asked Bella to clean out the freezer. She did so happily.
"Hey , Mom. I could totally do this chore in the summer time. It would be soooo refreshing. See? I could just get inside the freezer and I would be cool as a cucumber...".
Then she asked for the $5 I had used as bait.
I paid her for doing a chore I detest because that is what children are for... In addition, youngsters must not only learn the value of work but also the value of getting paid.
I wish only for the happiness of my offspring.
Happiness and harmony. That's what counts with children..."
~Mrs. Salt of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory (The first movie... which I love and have memorized...and recite often at dinner parties involving fancy peoples who are not familiar with the film.)