Monday, October 10, 2011

See You In The Funny Papers

They let me PERFORM today!

Nay They ASKED me to perform today.  At church...


Oh how I LOVE to be silly in front of The People!  I DO so enjoy making a fool of myself via song and dance and theatrics!

And TODAY I was able to do JUST THAT!  Minus the song and dance... so... THEATRICS... for the children.

I was asked to be a character from another country.  I was to be one of a panel of three judges.  I was to judge singing children on their delivery of the Primary songs for the upcoming Big Deal Children Singing In Church In Front Of Their Parents Performance.

The country I chose to represent was The Wild West.

I wore my trusty cowgirl boots and hat.  I wore a fringed leather vest and my best generic cowgirl accent.

I was... I'm not going to feign humility here... AMAZING!!

I WAS A STAR!!!!  All the children said so... Some smiled shyly at me... Some asked for my autograph... Some posted my picture on Facebook as their profile photo...

Today at church I whooped and hollered.  I YEEEHAWWED and TARNATIONED.  I CUTE AS A BUG IN A RUGGED and  WAITED A COTTON PICKIN' MINUTE...

I did all that...

And when it was all said and done I felt durn good.  I felt full.  Happy.  Fulfilled.

Then I felt strangely deflated...

I have missed my calling, ya'll.

I was supposed to be an ENTERTAINER FOR THE MASSES!  I was SUPPOSED to sing and dance and lie on every stage in America and maybe every stage in world and even Canada and Russia!

Sure, I chose a Cowgirl Character with a hick accent today.   But I COULD have chosen to play an English Nanny, A Mexican Senorita, A German House Frau, A French Maid, A Desperate Housewife, Snooky ...

I can DO all those accents!  And plus I can sing a little and dance  A LOT!

All I want in life is to make people smile.

So I have decided to move to L.A.

That's right.  I'm going to follow MY dreams for a change!

I'm going to gather my children and husband together and say,

"Look.  I'm no spring chicken here.  I'm 35.  If I don't go to Hollywood NOW I will NEVER have a chance to be a big star.  And it will be YOUR fault.  It's your fault I'm not J. Lo as it is.  Don't worry.  I forgive you...  Now pack your crap..."

My husband may protest but when I remind him of all I have done for him over the years, all the sacrifices I have made on his behalf, all the meals I have cooked, all the money I have not spent, all the children I have birthed that look like him... he will have no choice...


You just WAIT!

See you in the funny papers, ya'll.