They let me PERFORM today!
Nay They ASKED me to perform today. At church...
YES! YES! YES!
Oh how I LOVE to be silly in front of The People! I DO so enjoy making a fool of myself via song and dance and theatrics!
And TODAY I was able to do JUST THAT! Minus the song and dance... so... THEATRICS... for the children.
I was asked to be a character from another country. I was to be one of a panel of three judges. I was to judge singing children on their delivery of the Primary songs for the upcoming Big Deal Children Singing In Church In Front Of Their Parents Performance.
The country I chose to represent was The Wild West.
I wore my trusty cowgirl boots and hat. I wore a fringed leather vest and my best generic cowgirl accent.
I was... I'm not going to feign humility here... AMAZING!!
I WAS A STAR!!!! All the children said so... Some smiled shyly at me... Some asked for my autograph... Some posted my picture on Facebook as their profile photo...
Today at church I whooped and hollered. I YEEEHAWWED and TARNATIONED. I CUTE AS A BUG IN A RUGGED and WAITED A COTTON PICKIN' MINUTE...
I did all that...
And when it was all said and done I felt durn good. I felt full. Happy. Fulfilled.
Then I felt strangely deflated...
I have missed my calling, ya'll.
I was supposed to be an ENTERTAINER FOR THE MASSES! I was SUPPOSED to sing and dance and lie on every stage in America and maybe every stage in world and even Canada and Russia!
Sure, I chose a Cowgirl Character with a hick accent today. But I COULD have chosen to play an English Nanny, A Mexican Senorita, A German House Frau, A French Maid, A Desperate Housewife, Snooky ...
I can DO all those accents! And plus I can sing a little and dance A LOT!
All I want in life is to make people smile.
So I have decided to move to L.A.
That's right. I'm going to follow MY dreams for a change!
I'm going to gather my children and husband together and say,
"Look. I'm no spring chicken here. I'm 35. If I don't go to Hollywood NOW I will NEVER have a chance to be a big star. And it will be YOUR fault. It's your fault I'm not J. Lo as it is. Don't worry. I forgive you... Now pack your crap..."
My husband may protest but when I remind him of all I have done for him over the years, all the sacrifices I have made on his behalf, all the meals I have cooked, all the money I have not spent, all the children I have birthed that look like him... he will have no choice...
We will pack our things and I will be A STAR! MY NAME WILL BE A COMMON HOUSEHOLD ITEM. LIKE SWIFFER. OR BOLOGNA!
You just WAIT!
See you in the funny papers, ya'll.