Monday, September 5, 2011

Like white on rice

I would like to offer my readers the opportunity ask questions of me.  They could be anything at all.  I will answer then in my Crystal Pistol Manner.  BLAM BLAM!!

he first question was left by Vince.  Vince is my Irish pal. His blog is called Reeds.  Below is his concern:

    What's with all the WHITE clothing. How many times a day do you people change.

I live at latitudes where we get 21C/70F on a good summer and we wouldn't dream of wearing that amount of white. Do you people not sweat ?. :)

Before we begin a joke is in order...


A little boy holding his Mama's hand sees a bride and groom.
      Boy:  Why is that lady wearing a white dress?
      Mama:  Because this is the happiest day of her life.
      Boy:   Then why is that man with her wearing a black suit?

Ha.  Ha.  Very funny.  I'll have you know I resemble that remark! ;)


What does it mean?  This Labor day in which no one Labors in order to honor those that have labored laboriously?

It marks the beginning of a wise tradition relevant to us all.

No more white.  We are to avoid wearing the color white after this blessed of days.

If you wear white after today and a groundhog sees it's shadow than Brittany Spears will continue to make albums for 10 more years.

If you wear white after today a Fashion Fairy will will fall down dead.  Then you will have to change your outfit and clap clap clap and shout,  "I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!  I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!"  And the fairy will probably die anyway.  It's too grave a sin you have committed.

If you wear white pants after today and the clock strikes 12 your menstrual cycle will surprise you with an enthusiastic gush in the most public of places.  Like the mall or at church.  And your face will become the shade of a ripe pumpkin.  And then you will lose your glass slipper but no prince wants a chick with soiled pants.     ...However, there is hope in bleach... if your sins be as scarlet let them be white as snow...

If you are a man and EVER wear white socks with dark suit pants you will embarrass those closest to you.  Like the lady in line behind you at the market.  She is painfully embarrassed for you both.

If you wear a white blouse after Labor Day you will surely spill your famous 7 layer bean dip directly on your chest.  Then you will attempt to clean the mess.  The result will be a wet t-shirt contest no one bargained for.

If you are Brad Pitt you can do whatever you want.  You look great in white pants, by the way, Brad.  I notice you wear them a lot....  Say hi to Ang and the kids, would ya?  Don't feel bad about Aniston. She's a big girl and Angelina is way hotter...

I've been wearing a lot of white as of late to prepare myself for the famine.  Get my fill.

The look above is a nod to Nautical.  AYE AYE CAP'N!

The thing I notice about white pants is I am a dirty dirty girl.

I did nothing out of the ordinary on the day I wore this outfit.  I simply went to work and grocery store and cooked dinner for the fam etc...  If I had worn my typical dark jeans I would never have been made aware of the myriad sins I hide in the threads of my genes and jeans on a daily basis.

But you see....

I am a filthy little lady.

PS  I will certainly break the no white rule as I am a rebel.  You will see the whites of my pants in December and January.  I will be white hot in the winter chill.  Rules are for breaking, my friends!  I apologize to any Fashion Fairies who may be adversely affected by my decision 

Also if anyone has any serious or not serious questions you would like me to address viaq this blog it would be my great honor.  Simply e-mail me privately.  It will remain anonymous,