I'm a math wiz. For reals! I just pretend to be an airhead because know body likes a no-it-all.
In college I aced every calc test I ever took. ACED BANDAGED those testy testes. The boys in class were always a lil scared of me for that very reason. BOO! I'm brighter than YOU! I would smile in my thoughts at those boys. The math boys never axed me out.
Since I'm bragging and all, which is totally out of character for me, I thought I'd write a series of math problems for you. Elevating The Mind through analytical thought is a wonderful way to feel stupid when one does not know the answer.
Here we go:
Crystal went to the fabric store today. She plans on surprising her sister with luxury custom drapes for Coral's birthday. Coral is turning 33. Crystal is 34. Crystal will sew 7 panels. Each panel is 8 feet tall. Crystal is giddy at fabric store because the possibilities are FREAKING ENDLESS! How many inches high are Crystal's wedge sandals?
2. Crystal loves the dress she is wearing. It has 325 stripes. It cost far more than it should. Who do you think will win American idol this year? (Crystal is obssessed with J. Lo. and tonight was Carol King night! Things really could not get better around here.)
3. There are 45 bolts of beautiful fabric. 365 days in the year. 6 months from December to July. Do you like Crystal's dress?
(YOU DO?! Thanks)
4. Crystal lifted weights at the gym today. She did 4 sets of walking lunges with a 50lb easy bar on her shoulders. She then ran 3 miles on a smallish incline. At what point will her backside resemble Jennifer Lopez? (Not that Crystal's backside looks anything like J. Lo as a whole, you understand. Butt Matching booties. That is the question I pose.)
5. Crystal is hosting book club tomorrow night. There will be 15.5 guests. The book to be discussed is The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. Crystal slaved making approx 2 gallons of chicken salad tonight. It tastes like Ecstasy on sliced bread. How many women actually read the book?
So you see. Math can be fun.
Crystal + Fabric+ High shoes+ Chicken Salad + Dress = X
X= FUN FUN FUN FOR EVERYONE ONE ONE ONE!