Friday, April 29, 2011

Yesterday I Thought

Yesterday I thought having an enormous custom home made me special.

Yesterday I thought clothing of a certain caliber and price made me important.

Yesterday money grew on trees. I was never satisfied.

More. More. More.  Always more. I wanted.

There is no Love in Want.

I thought.  I thought I was right.  You were wrong.  I was weak.  You were strong.

Thoughts seeped into The Who I am.  Took over.

I was busy then.  Yesterday.  Busy with Things.  I flitted from Here to There and back again.  No time.  No time.  My heart raced with thoughts.  Angry thoughts.  Hurtful.  Offended.  Unforgiving.  Selfish.  Inane.  Insane.

Madness ensued with my house gone.  Money was gone.  Sanity gone.  Love gone.  I kept the clothes. ;)

I thought they were Me.  Those Things.

I worried what You thought.

Today I see.

Today there is stillness before Thoughts.

Today I sense. 

The majesty of The Night.  The miracle of This Breath.  And now This Breath.  Life alone fills my lantern.  Light abounds.

I am a Goddess.  And yet I am Nothing.  Less than the dust. Of the Earth.

Today I used my best China and served.  Women of varying ages and backgrounds.  I saw their worth without judgement.  I presented Me.  Naked.  Humbled.

There was no pride in owning fancy Country Rose China.  As there once was.  Only gratitude.

I've come so far.

I can almost see Who I Really Am.  Almost.

PS  I wasn't actually naked, you understand.  That would have been weird.  Slightly inappropriate.  Slightly.

Book Club was delightful tonight!  I haven't hosted since I crumbled into Massive Depression and was forced to sell my huge house and Stuff.  Now I have a nice reg'lar house.  It works great!

I made fab chicken salad.  My mother didn't want to give me her recipe because she wants to be the only human that can make Amazing Chicken Salad.  But I perused her until she gave up the ghost.  Ghost= Recipe here.

The bread for the lil sandwiches was dreadfully dry.  No time to repent.  Dry bread is The WORST thing to subsist on the Earth. 

My brother asked, "Why do you do that book club?"

"I don't know.  It is certainly an imposition when I host," I said.

"Ok.  Good luck with the Chicken salad.  Bring me some."

Sometimes "I don't know" is the best reason.

After all, Socrates said, All I know is I know nothing.

I'm with him on that.  Fo sho.