Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Like What?

Took my girls thrift store shopping tonight. 

I bought these super awesome harem pants for $11!  They dance really really well when I'm inside them.  All sultry like.  I had to give 'em a test drive before purchasing.  Flying colors, my friend.

One of my girls was unkind to the other.

I won't tolerate unkindness.

"I am SO disappointed you would behave like this!" I said. 

I went on to lecture in annoying Mommy fashion.  I explained to them the importance of kindness and conquering our inner demons.

"Every person on this earth has qualities that need to be changed.  Everyone needs to improve.  I have lots and lots of things I pray for help on... ," I said.

"YOU?" they asked in unison.  "Like what?!"

They sounded incredulous.

Like what?!

Like what?!

Ummm... ok... let's start with... I am Selfish.   The we'll slide on over to... I am also Vain.  Prideful.  Unforgiving.  Judgemental.  Frivolous.  Silly.  Immature.  Crude.  Dark.  Ungrateful.

(Don't get me wrong.  I'm chock full of amazing qualities too.  I mean, I'm obviously pretty spectacular... Humility is my best feature, I think.)

My children don't see those negative things in me... yet.  Tonight it makes me cry. 

They look to ME for guidance.  ME! 

There are so many things that could go wrong! 

( You don't mind my venting, do you?  I don't feel very creative at the moment.  Only terrified beyond reason.)

Do you KNOW how much PAIN there is in the world?  How the hell am I supposed to protect them when I feel so ass-backwards myself?

I was fresh out of diapers (21) when I had my first baby.  Now that baby is in middle school surrounded by pre-pubescent teenagers with foul mouths and access to Cinemax.  (Pardon me while I vomit out of sheer anxiety.)

People will hurt my babies.  Loves.  Friends.  Strangers. Society at large.  My babies will hurt themselves.  Free will has a downside.  Physical pain and illness are distinct possibilities.

I'm supposed to be Strong and Solid when they start experiencing Real Life.  AHHHHHHHHHHHH! 


Ugh!  How now, brown cow?

I heard a song tonight that made me all weepy.  Music always feels me when I need her. 

I've sung this song a million times in my life.  But tonight it had new meaning...

When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all

I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you

I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on Silver Girl
You're time has come to shine...

When you need a friend
I will ease your mind

You all know how superstitious I am.  I believe this song was brought to my attention for a wise purpose.  I feel better after singing it 10 times tonight with tears in my voice.

My job, it seems, is not to be perfect.  (It will suck when they start to realize how VERY short I fall from perfect.) 

My job is to take them thrift store shopping.