Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Kitten Birth On My Pillow

A cat gave birth on my pillow.  I was still sleeping.  With my head on that pillow.  I was 12.

There was a loud MEOW.  (Don't judge.  You would meow too if you were giving birth on my pillow.)

I awoke with a start on my pillow.

Right before my very eyes, on my pillow, a slimy mammal emerged from the tail end of my cat.

I hadn't known she was expecting.

"Ahhhhhhh!"  I said.

"I came to you for help!" she cried.  "I thought I could TRUST you!"

Kitty grabbed the kitten in her mouth by the neck and ran through the house to find somewhere else to birth a litter.

I am ashamed of my reaction to this day.  If only I could take it back.

I would gladly give of my substance to help a fellow feline.  I would surrender my pillow...

"Here is my pillow," I would say.  "My pillow is your pillow.  A pillow in the bed is worth 10 in the bush.  Pillows are the spice of life.  Pillows are a girl's best friend."

I would coach her through the birth as she lay in fluffy goodness.  A magical wonderland of down.

"Push!"  I would say.  "You're doin' great!  I see the heads!  You're almost there!"

"Thank you for meowing me your pillow.  I'm so meowful.  I knew I could meow on you," she would say.  (Let me clarify, the English translation of that last meow is "count"... lest you think something foul and unruly.)

I would deliver each goopy Kitten with warmth and glee.

"It's a boy!  It's a boy!  It's a boy!  It's a boy!" I would shout erroneously. 

There would be a cacophony of Mew Mew Mew.  Here a mew, there a mew.  Everywhere a mew mew.

Alas, I cannot undo what has been done.

It is too late.

I cry myself to sleep on my huge pillow.

I can only leave you with the following ancient adage:

Pillow today.  Gone tomorrow.


A lot of people dont like cats.  Do you like cats?  Dogs?  Hogs?  Logs?  I like cats but i also like dogs. Not hogs unless him is bacon.  I dont own any cats.


this just in!  I am writing this in the dark on my bed as my husband sleeps.  He JUST began LAUGHING IN HIS SLEEP!

So I said, "Whacha laughing about?"

He laughed harder with his eyes all glossy and weird.

"I'm laughing at you dirty jokes!" he said

????!!!!!! BAHAHAAAAAA! 

 He's gonna kill me when he wakes in the morning and reads this.