Top Ten Guilty Buys
1. Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet Paper. The cheap stuff is ROUGH. One (meaning me)... one prefers more gentle treatment. One feels she deserves it.
2. Tabloids at the check out line. But they (the people featured not the actual mags) are my friends and I need to make sure they are ok. Brad and Angie couldn't carry on without my nonverbal support.
3. ANYTHING you buy at the check out line... examples include small packs of tissue, egg shaped chapstick, those long candle lighter thingies, Snuggies.
4. Lavender and Vanilla Fabric Softener. I can't live without it. You can smell my family from miles away. Shut off my water if you will but DON'T TAKE MY SOFTENER!
5. Movie Theatre Popcorn. It's like a dollar a kernal. Ask if you can put it on layaway... thats what I always do...
6. Premade Easter basket. That's what the Easter Bunny is for. Have I taught you NOTHING?
7. Premade cudeite. LAZY.
8. $75 Victoria's Secret Bras... umm... k... scratch that.... we NEED those!
8. Taylor Swift Valentine's Day cards that are 75% off after the season is over. bought in the hopes of using them next year. IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN!
9. Organic produce. that stuff will KILL YOU! two words: fecal matter on your lettuce.
10. Plastic Tampons... they are bad for the environment and expensive but the cardboard ones are just so abrasive and rude.
PS I wrote this with the help of my sister, Coral. We are slap happy. Exhausted. Retarded. i make no apologies.