Sunday, February 20, 2011
Two Dates At Once
I had TWO DATES tonight. With TWO different men! Two big, burly, tatooed Vikings! AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not gonna lie. I felt special. Reverse polygamy is not a bad idea. I think I would do a good job of treating everyone fairly. Giving equal attention to all parties involved.
I suggested this brilliant idea to my dates. They didn't laugh with me. One is a lonely number where laughter is concerned. But I don't care. HAHAHAHAAAAAA! So there.
My dates are brothers. Jason and Jordan. I'm married to one of them. The other is married to my best friend. She wasn't available.
Serena jumped in the above picture without my consent. I wanted to portray ME with my dates. UGH! If I have told my children ONCE, I have told them a 1000 times, "All the world is my stage and you Children are my PROPS!"
Serena is a very unruly prop.
Back to my date:
All night I was fed a steady diet of crude humor and naughty innuendo. I'm sure you'll be shocked to discover I contributed to the convo without skipping a beat.
Will I EVER grow up? Ever? Will I EVER be stately and respectable? It looks bleak.
We went to sushi and a movie. Unknown. I dug it.
It was my second movie for the day so I didn't get any popcorn. But then I wanted some.
There was a man on my left with a huge tub of greasy, inviting, poppy corn. I reached over and took a big handful. He was shocked at first but he got used to it. He said I had a nice smile.
His wife never got used to it but that's not my problem, is it? No. It's not. Go get your own freakin' popcorn, Lady! That's what I say.
The first movie of the day was Gnomeo and Juliet. I laughed really loud and hard when a mushroom walked up to a talking frog and the frog said,
"You look like a Fun Guy!"
I laughed hysterically because I realized the mushroom was a FUNGI.
Get it? FUN GUY? FUNGI? You look like a FUNGI? BAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!
I was the only one laughing in the whole packed theatre. how embarrassing. I laugh alone quite a bit. It's my cross to bear (or is it bare)? roar.
My brother-in-law and I are good friends. We talk fashion and tatoos and sex and religion. The combination of which makes for an interesting discussion. If only you were a fly on the wall... Do flies blush? I bet they do when they hear our conversations.
Why is my child standing on the movie theatre seats? Doesn't she have a MOTHER? Will SOMEONE please CONTROL that kid?