Sunday, February 20, 2011

Two Dates At Once

I had TWO DATES tonight.  With TWO different men!  Two big, burly, tatooed Vikings!  AT THE SAME TIME! 

I'm not gonna lie.  I felt special.  Reverse polygamy is not a bad idea.  I think I would do a good job of treating everyone fairly.  Giving equal attention to all parties involved.

I suggested this brilliant idea to my dates.  They didn't laugh with me.  One is a lonely number where laughter is concerned.  But I don't care.  HAHAHAHAAAAAA!  So there.


My dates are brothers.  Jason and Jordan.  I'm married to one of them.  The other is married to my best friend.  She wasn't available.

Side Note:

Serena jumped in the above picture without my consent.  I wanted to portray ME with my dates.  UGH! If I have told my children ONCE, I have told them a 1000 times, "All the world is my stage and you Children are my PROPS!"  

Serena is a very unruly prop. 

Back to my date:

All night I was fed a steady diet of crude humor and naughty innuendo.  I'm sure you'll be shocked to discover I contributed to the convo without skipping a beat. 

Will I EVER grow up?  Ever?  Will I EVER be stately and respectable?  It looks bleak.

We went to sushi and a movie.  Unknown.  I dug it.

It was my second movie for the day so I didn't get any popcorn. But then I wanted some.

There was a man on my left with a huge tub of greasy, inviting, poppy corn.  I reached over and took a big handful.  He was shocked at first but he got used to it. He said I had a nice smile.

 His wife never got used to it but that's not my problem, is it?  No.  It's not.  Go get your own freakin' popcorn, Lady!  That's what I say.

The first movie of the day was Gnomeo and Juliet.  I laughed really loud and hard when a mushroom walked up to a talking frog and the frog said,

"You look like a Fun Guy!"

 I laughed hysterically because I realized the mushroom was a FUNGI.

Get it?  FUN GUY?  FUNGI?  You look like a FUNGI?   BAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!

I was the only one laughing in the whole packed theatre.  how embarrassing.  I laugh alone quite a bit. It's my cross to bear (or is it bare)? roar.

My brother-in-law and I are good friends.  We talk fashion and tatoos and sex and religion.  The combination of which makes for an interesting discussion.  If only you were a fly on the wall...  Do flies blush?  I bet they do when they hear our conversations.

Why is my child standing on the movie theatre seats?  Doesn't she have a MOTHER?  Will SOMEONE please CONTROL that kid?