Bella shaved off her eyebrows this morning. She tried to rid herself of her ominous uni-brow with a razor. Trimmed too much of one brow. Tried to make the other brow match. Trimmed too much of THAT brow. She shaved back and forth until only half a brow hangs over each eye.
Then she lied.
"Mom, I was in the shower and the razor fell on my face. It shaved off half my eyebrow. So I had to trim the other one. I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!"
I informed her she WAS going to school. She assured me there would be no school for her today. I insisted she MUST go to school. She missed four days last week due to virus. She hid in the closet. She did not go to school.
"Can I at least take a picture of you for my blog?"
I got in big trouble with her for laughing uncontrollably and suggesting to publicize her pain. In my defense,
a) it's funny
b) it's not like she can keep this secret forever. her brows ARE on her face...
I'm not sure what to do. Perhaps I'll draw on the rest of her brows like The Cholas I grew up with. Then I'll line the outside of her lips with a liner much darker than the actual lip. Then she'll start talking with a Vato accent even though she doesn't speak Spanish.
Bella was the highlight of my morning, but I'm not done.
Quick run down:
Serena snuck into my closet and stole my sweater to wear to school. Tried to hide it under a jacket. She knows NOT TO WEAR MY EXPENSIVE THINGS! We are in a RECESSION! I cannot afford to replace when 12 year old smears greasy pizza fingers onto cashmere.
She LIED. "This is not yours. plus, I dont have time to change! DO YOU WANT ME TO BE LATE AND GET DETENTION!?"
We both know it's MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! TAKE IT OFFFFFFFF! I screamed silently. She is currently sitting in class wearing my pricey sweater.
Tyson wore an enormous hat today. "Don't wear that hat, buddy. It's too big," I said.
"But i WANT to wear it! I don't want to brush my hair," said he. We went back and forth. "No hat." "Yes hat." "No." "Yes." He went to school looking very much like a mushroom. Yes hat.
Maya has worn the same cut-off denim shorts and red Cookie Monster T-shirt for 4 days now. "You can't wear that again, Maya. It's filthy." I said.
"I'm not changing. I like this shirt," she rebutted. She currently hangs from the monkey bars in Kinder wearing said Cookie shirt and gross shorts.
To make matters WORSE my husband came home unexpectedly this morning desiring attention and affection. Not feelin it today. SOMEHOW I can't muster the moosh.
NOW I'M THE BAD GUY! He's all mad at me. HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?
He snapped his fingers and took Bella to school. She didn't make a peep. SHE SIMPLY OBEYED!!!
I'm going back to bed.
PS If you tell me what I NEED to do in order to be a better mother and have children respect and obey I SWEAR i will RIP YOUR FACE RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE! UGHHHHHHH!
I'm gonna go shave my brows both so Bella doesn't feel singled out and also because I feel self-destructive ahorita.