Sunday, November 14, 2010

Quittin Ambien

No Ambien for 2 days now.  I look tortured in my pic.  I am a little.  I need a fix!

I am very proud of this accomplishment.

Can't fall asleep til 3 or so but still... 

Addiction is tough.  I want it sooo bad.  Be strong!  Be strong!

I'm teaching myself to fall asleep without the use of drugs.

Sometimes I take Nyquil AND Ambien. Then I fall asleep in my nighty-night snack and when I awake I have no idea where I am.  It's usually 4am and I wander around the house running into walls and doors.

I bought a meditation CD to help me relax and program my unconscience brain to do stuff.  Like I can, apperantly, become a bettter writer or make money or get famous if I tell my brain to focus on those things.  Pretty good party trick, I think.

Meditation is so relaxing. I sometimes fall asleep and have crazy dreams about flying around on a broomstick and being chased by the bad guys while wearing a red bikini.  (I wear the bikini, not the bad guys.)

The CD says to repeat to myself,

"I am beginning to relax now.  I am beginning to relax now." 

So I say,

"I am beginning to relax now.  I am begin... I need to run 6 miles tomorrow.  Wait.  Focus.  I am beginning to wonder if anyone cares what I write in my blog.  Maybe I should take another pic with a tampon in my mouth..."

The CD also says to tighten and relax each part of the body as you repeat the same phrase internally.

I tighten and relax everything and think, "It would suck to be really, really flabby.  I'm gonna hit legs hard tomorrow. I'm  beginning to relax now."

The CD also says to breathe deeply and imagine I am going down an escalator.  I am supposed to count to 10 slowly repeating, "I am relaxing deeply into the unconscience mind."   

So I go down my internal escalator, which happens to be at Barnes and Noble.

I go down each step in my head,

"1st step:  I am relaxing deeply and ... oooo Kim Kardashian is on the cover of people mag this week.  I read Demi Lovato is a cutter.  Shame.  she's such a cute girl. 

2nd step: I am relaxing deeply into... I really need to finish reading Atlas Shrugged.  Mel Gibson is scary these days."

3rd step:  Im kinda horney.  Maybe I'll wake up J.  I am relaxing deeply into my brain.. This is hard! I WANT AMBIEN and sex!

Next thing I know, it's morning.

Wakey Wakey Eggs n' Bakey!

You should really try it.  I highly recommend.