Thursday, November 4, 2010

Bread and Eat it Too

"When it comes to appearances, we're all deeply superficial," says Psychology Today.

I read the mag tonight as I steamed a pumpkin. (Pumpkin is a weird word.  Who thought it up?  PUMP.  KIN.  PUMP-KIN.  Pumpkin.  I don't like it.  He's not kin to me.  Huh?  Moving on.)

"We're superficial not because we're brainwashed but because genetic clues to health and fitness really are skin deep.  Seemingly surface characteristics like body weight, hair, and skin are in fact critical biological markers.  That may not sound sexy.  But it means caring about looks is tactical, not tacky."

Huh.  Interesting.  It seems I'm not vain AT ALL!  I'm merely TACTICAL!  Yes!

Why, after a full day of cleaning bathrooms, kiddie homework and laundry, would I take the time to steam a freakin' pumpkin?

A)    Pumpkins slow the aging process and reverse skin damage and squash free-radicals and have lots of fiber so I don't look all fat and bloated.

B)    I was in dire need of freshly baked goodies.  (Saying the word "goodies" makes me feel mentally challenged, like I should ride the short bus.)

Do you see the problem here?  Can you appreciate the dichotomy that exists in my mind?

Fit or fat?

I want to be beautiful.  I get a sick thrill when women hate my guts because they feel inferior physically.  I work hard to maintain that level of disgust. 

I also love food.  Food makes one fat.  In THIS society the lumpy ladies are overlooked. 

"In cultures like ours, where you can't go five miles without passing a 7-Eleven and food is sold by the pallet-load..., thin women are in.  In cultures where food is scarce (like in Sahara- adjacent hoods), blubber is beautiful, and women appeal to men by stuffing themselves until they're slim like Jabba the Hut."

I wish with all my heart I felt blubber was beautiful! I wish YOU felt blubber was beautiful, Shallow Hal. I wish I could just sit on my couch and stuff my face and lick the bowl and have people sing my praises.

I throw weights around at the gym like my life depends on it.  And, in an essence, it does.  I spend money on make-up and clothes.  I deny myself the foods I love in order to enjoy a small waist, flat tummy and the evil eye from flabby female counterparts.

I eat lots of veggies and fruits when I'm craving potato chips and french onion dip.  I guess I'd rather eat loads of pumpkin products than put my face under the knife or inject fillers into my forehead.

Folks that aren't honest about how society works scream,  It's what's on the inside that counts!


Yeah.  Ok.  But I'd rather be pretty for as long as I can.  I can't even SEE my insides, which are probably pickled because I drink Diet Coke and what's even IN that stuff?  Probably pickling agents...  I don't care.  It's calorie free.

Tonight I've decided to eat the Pump-Kin bread I made, which is beyond delicious, by the way.  Tomorrow I will punish myself by running several miles and berate myself internally for being such a pig the night before. 


I will have my bread and eat it too. 

PS  I also made banana bread.  Bananas are high in potassium and remind me of nothing...