Sunday, October 24, 2010


Sew it seams I am an angry, emotional seamstress.

I am dealing with $45 per yard ivory linen. I'm making fancy pillow shams and a duvet cover with very explicit directions.

 WHO USES EXPENSIVE WHITE LINEN ON THEIR BEDS?!  Beds are meant to be messy and require a great deal of clean up.  Whatev.  I just work here.

Sew... where were we?  Ah yes... Sewing Rage.

I shout at my machine and swear at fabric when it misbehaves.  And I bawl when I am trying to learn how to sew in a zipper and mitered corners and flanges by watching 567 U-tube  How To videos.

 I was so frustrated I literally CRIED!  I wanted to throw something or stab my eye out with a pumpkin carver.  I was really on pins and needles here.  I was unraveling fast... (I realize the sewing humor is uber lame and not funny but I have to... you understand...).

Sew... Then I prayed over my fabric and asked for some sanity and for the angels to guide my zipper foot aright.

Things started coming together.  This is the result.

It seams I have the Miters Touch.  ...Get it?  I'm in stitches.

Do you see the perfect 2 inch FLANGE all the way around the pillow?  (The Flange is the flappy thing). 

I'm gonna start saying What The Flange! all the time now.  Especially when my kid's friends are over. 
What the FLANGE is goin on in here?!  I'll say.

Before today I had never sewn a zipper into anything.  This is what happened the first go 'round.

The damn fabric is UNEVEN!  I had to rip the whole thing out with a teeny tiny claw called a Seam Ripper.


"Son of a *&^%$I'll rip your FACE OFF!"  I said.

I really said that OUT LOUD all alone at 2am.  Who cares.  You already think I'm bi-polar... sew....

When I had completed the project for the night I shouted, "YES! YES! YES!".  And I did a celebretory dance.  I feel very accomplished here.

Sew, earlier today Tyson said,

"We need to buy some Halloween decorations for the front yard.  All the neighbors have their decorations up already...".

There is no way I'm gonna go to some sell-out store and buy.  Not this time.  The two main reasons being, I am broke and also have no money.

I taught the kids to make ghosts out of the scraps of fancy linen.  We stuffed their ghostly little heads with knotted up plastic grocery bags.  Then took more scaps and tied them to a tree.  Boo.

Deliciously spoooky!

I'm a scrappy broad.