Friday, September 17, 2010

I Would Eat The Paste

"I would like you to ESTIMATE how many cookies are in this jar.  I'll give you a hint. There are less than 20," said Maya's kindergarten teacher this morning.

"69!" shouted a girl with blonde ringlets.

Teacher didn't blink.

"Is 69 less than 20?" she asked.

"No," said the child.

"Can any one guess a number LESS than 20?"

"37!" yelled a different child.

If I were a kindergarten teacher I'd be smokin' weed in the back room to settle myself down before dispelling words of alphabetical wisdom.  (I don't do illegal drugs.  Never have.  I'm just saying... IF...)

The children sat on The Friends Rug.  There was pushing and poking and touching and giggling.

"Ok!  BODY CHECK!" shouted teacher.

Body check?

"Are you sitting criss cross?  Are your hands folded on your lap?" she said.

I instinctively folded my hands and placed them on my lap.

She wrote the word RED on the smart board. (When I was a kid we only had DUMB boards and because I am left handed I always erased everything I wrote as I wrote it which then looked as if I were shirking my grade school duties.)

"Who can tell me what R-E-D spells?"  asked teacher.  "...Erika?"

"When I woke up this morning my cat was sitting on my face," said Erika.  "I couldn't see."

We next divided into color coded Monkey Groups to work on various projects.

A chubby, brown boy purposefuly ripped the group mascot in half.  He happened to be a Blue Monkey.

Teacher was pissed at lil chubby, brown boy for ripping up the Blue Monkey.

"Do I go to YOUR house and break YOUR toys? How do you think I FEEL?"  she stared at him.  "I don't HAVE to do fun things with you.  I COULD make you sit on the rug all day a listen to me talk!"

He looked terrified.

We then went to the computer lab.  Nevan was the "door holder", which is a big honor for a kinder.

"Pull the door open, Nevan," said Teach.

Nevan pushed the door. 

"No... PULL the door open."

Nevan pushed harder.


I'm so grateful Maya's teacher is gifted enough with 5 year olds to instruct them without eating the paste.  (That's her in the purple shirt in the pic below.)  I couldn't do it.  No way.  I'm awed and amazed.

PS ~ My dad is writing a blog to educate people regarding Mormon doctrine.  I can't WAIT to read what he writes and to drop my jaw at all the anti-Mormon senitments he will surely have to address.  FUN!  Check him out!!

PS Again~  I have been convinced not to abandon my blog completely while I write my serious novel (which is going swimmingly, btw, thanks for asking.).  I will need you to help me promote my magnum opus when it is finished.  So when I feel like writing fluff I'll share.  YAY!  Best of both worlds!