Thursday, August 19, 2010


I’ll get you! I’ll get ALL of you! If it’s the last thing I ever DO!” said The Evil Wizard Gargamel.

Maya and I watched several episodes of The Smurfs today.

I had an epiphany.

“Maya!” I said. “Gargamel is JUST like SATAN! He just wants to GET those innocent little Smurfs and boil them up in a pot!”

“I know, Mama,” said Maya. “And The Smurfs are MORMON because they are so GOOD!”

In celebration of The Smurfs conversion to Mormonism I painted Maya’s nails blue.

I realize it’s not cool in The World of People In The World Who Think Believing in Satan is Uncool... to Believe in Satan.

However, I have not been shy about my strong faith in God and since it just MAKES SENSE that there must be opposition in all things there MUST be an Evil Guy too.

But I don’t think he is ugly and balding and snaggletoothed, like Gargamel.

I’ve had some really scary nightmares in which Beelzebub was the Star Character and he is always tall, dark and Devilishly Handsome. And he’s Charming. He’ll charm the pants right off ya!

Maya and I continued our conversation.

“If some Smurfs decide NOT to be Mormon it doesn’t make them BAD Smurfs,” I said.

“All Smurfs are GOOD, Mama,” she replied. “They don’t say any bad words! They don’t even KNOW any bad words!”

OH, SMURF! I thought.

I say A LOT of bad words. (Never in front of the children, of course, but still… does it make me a bad Smurf, I wonder?)

I enjoy The Smurfs version of historic Mormonism because they practice Reverse Polygamy.

Smurfette is a freaking GENIUS! (She’s also a little blue TEASE, but that’s really none of my business, is it?)

My favorite Smurf is Jokey Smurf. He is forever lavishing gift boxes with enormous red bows on his fellow Smurfs. When they open the box it ALWAYS explodes in their little blue faces! Jokey Smurf then shouts “SURPRISE!” and RUNS AWAY!

I ALWAYS laugh right out loud when Jokey pulls this stunt. I can’t help it!

I especially like Jokey Smurf because it PROVES that a Mormon is capable of having a really great sense of humor.

Alright, people, I’ll stop Smurfing around now and get serious.

You’re off your Smurf if you think Gargemel can’t catch you a boil you up in a pot. He is VERY resourceful and tricky.

I’m gonna keep my Smurfs crossed that you have internalized some of the wisdom I’ve offered here.

Sometimes I am astounded by my own depth. It’s pretty Smurfy, actually.

Ok. I’m done now.

Have a Smurfy day!

(I couldn’t resist writing one last Smurf… It‘s pretty addicting.)