Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Fat Battle

Weight loss SUCKS!

I looked around the gym today and saw myraids of miserable people.  They were sweaty and red faced and as they ran there were lumps of extra flesh flying wildly in every concievable direction.

We do this to ourselves in this country of instant gratification.  We all complain we are overweight so we go for a light jaunt and then reward ourselves for a job well done with Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby.

When I feel a little heavier than I want to be, I get pissed.  I don't get all depressed and mopey and whiney about how fat I am.  I TAKE ACTION.

Enough is ENOUGH! I think to myself.

A few years ago Paris Hilton called Kim Kardashain's ample backside "Gross."  She went on to compare Kim's famous booty to "cottage cheese in a trash bag."

Meow, Paris!

I happen to think Kim's fanny is super sexy and that Paris could do with the Carl's Junior burger she pretended to eat when she shot that commercial in a bikini on the hood of a car. But when it comes to my own body I have different standards.

Today as I ran I thought of this convo.  I like Kim's butt, however, I have no interest in having the same thing said about me.  I wanna keep things tight.

I had a conversation with myself.  There are (at least) two of me in this cloudy head of mine. 

Crystal is the me that is hardcore, tough, takes no prisoners.  Crystal is wild and passionate about everything. 

Crys, on the other hand, is soft and gentle and forgiving.  Crys sings ballads and wears fluffy white dresses and likes to hug.  Crys is also passionate about everything in the most loving way possible.

Crys:  I don't want to run today.  I'm tired.  Let's just walk and do some light stretching.

Crystal:  Are you INSANE?  Do you WANT your rump to look like garbage bags filled with cottage cheese??

Crys:  Well, no... but... maybe we should just gently cut back on cookies and eat more salads...

Crystal:  We are cutting back on cookies, alright!  No more cookies for YOU!  It's YOUR fault our pants are tight!

Crys:  I was depressed.

Crystal:  So what?  Get over it!  You have NOTHING to be depressed about, you simpering baby.

Crys:  Yes.  I suppose I should count my blessings.  I have a lot to be thankful for....

Crystal:  NOW RUN!

So we ran.  We ran for an hour.  Incline running for half the time and interval sprinting for the other half.

It HURT!  It ACHED.  It was exactly what I needed.

We were a sweaty, smelly, digusting, mess by the end of the hour.

Crys:  I feel really good and happy now.  Endorphins are the best!

Crystal:  Have I ever led you astray?