Thursday, July 22, 2010

Poor Little Rich Girl: Birthday Par-tay

Guess what everybody?!!  I'm LOW MAINTENANCE NOW!

It's VERY exciting!

Last year on July 21st I awoke to a forrest of Red Roses and Gucci.  My husband pulled out all the stops!  There was nothing I could not have. 

I was filled with to the brim with gratitude and an over-developed sense of enititlement.  GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!

My husband took me to fancy schmancy dinner and lavished me with yet MORE EXPENSIVE GIFTS.

Somehow I convinced myself I DESERVED these things. HAA!

THIS YEAR, however, I have matured.  I may wear donkey heads and silver leggings and climb trees and were tiaras to the grocery store BUT I have RE-learned the value of a dollar!

Some people say,  MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

Um... excuse me?   ...BULLSH*T!

Money is GREEN with MEN's FACES staring somberly from the comfort of monetary security. 

Can money buy happiness???  YES.  (Just kidding... sorta...)

What's your stance on money?

I like it.  I like it A LOT.  I want to marry it and have lots of money babies.

So THIS year on July 21st I suggested we drive up the mountain and roast WEINERS.  Cause I like roasting WEINERS. 

We made S'mores and Sydi spanked my bottom and that made me laugh and GUESS WHAT?!  It didn't cost A PENNY!  Birthday spankings from a Best Friend are FREEEE.

Then we pretended we were surprised about something.  And my husband said, "You guys look retarded when you pose."  And we said, "YEAH! 'CAUSE WE'RE POSERS, YO!"

We played Tug o' War with our dogs.  (The little one is mine. And by default, the big one belongs to Syd.)

I didn't hire a sullen teenager to watch my kids whilst I air kissed them goodbye in Chanel and 4 inch shoes.  NO SIR!  Instead I watched my son pee on every tree in the vicinity and let my puppy, Roxy put her muddy paws all over my shirt.

While we roasted phallic meat symbols on sticks my children said, "MAMA, we love you soooo much because you act like a THREE year old all the time!  This is THE BEST Birthday of yours we have ever had!"

Awwww.  See there?  Heart warming, isn't it.  And Guess WHAT?   .... FREE OF CHARGE.

So... You understand what I'm sayin' here right???

Good.  'Cause I have no idea.  And that's why my eyes are closed in this pic... I'm closing my eyes to reality... and also to the super bright flash of my crappy camera.