Thursday, June 3, 2010

She's Just Jealous

 CALLING ALL WOMEN! (And insecure, snarky Men...)


You KNOW what I'm talking about.  Quit talkin' smack!

I am SICK of insecure women having a lot of verbal opinions regarding other women who may or may not be ME.

Some chick hurt my feelings recently.  Said something rude and unnecessary.  She could have said a million OTHER things... but nope. 

I told my other girlfriend about it.  Guess what she said?

"Don't sweat it!  SHE'S JUST JEALOUS!"

Ever since puberty hit at age 13 various women have been straight up MEAN to me.  And I always hear the same pep talk...  "She's just jealous".

When my teeth were too big for my face and I was called "HORSE FACE" I cried.

My consolation?   SHE'S JUST JEALOUS!

When my legs grew far longer than all my female peers and I was called "Ugly giraffe" I cried.

My consolation?  THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS!

When I stood up straight and walked with my head held high and was told I stick my chest out for attention when I walk I cried.

My consolation?  JEALOUS. JEALOUS. JEALOUS. 


Ok.  Fine.  Let's discuss the issue head on, shall we?  Just me and you.

Are you jealous because I'm FIT and you are FAT?!


Next issue.

Am I smarter than you?

Turn off the damn TV and pick up a BOOK.  Spelled  B-O-O-K.  Got the book?  GOOD!  Now read it.  When you're done read another one.

Jealous because I'm a CRAZY MORMON with CRAZY MORALS?

You too can have all this JOY for the low, low price of giving up all your vices and sitting in church for 3 hours every Sunday.

Jealous because you have a stick up your anus and I don't?!


Ahhhhh!  See there?  Doesn't that feel better now?

I generally like to encourage kindness and Love and tolerance but I'm only human and today I'm pissed.

It really never gets any easier when women say awful things to me.  I wish I could say it just slides off my back.  I wish I could say it didn't hurt.  But it does.  It hurts everytime.  I will never get used to it.

I don't know what it's like to react because I'm jealous of someone else.  I can admit when someone is prettier, smarter, more talented, more successful, less crazy...  I CHOOSE to be happy for that person.  I CHOOSE to feel gratitude for the amazing qualties in myself AND others.

Here is where I soften:

Does it really feel good to say mean things to or about someone else?  Do you enjoy the little green eyed monster clawing you from the inside out?  Wouldn't you feel better if you chose to say (or think) something kind?

Try it.

Think something kind.

We are all in this together.  Life is not about winning.  If one of us is winning, we are all losing.

So today my daughter Serena came to me crying.

"Mama.  Those girls were mean to me and really hurt my feelings."

My reply?

"Baby, those girls are just jealous."

PS  My teeth are STILL too big for my face.