Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Lil Crys

What if you could pick up the phone and talk to yourself when you were 10 years old? What would you say?

Look at a picture of yourself as a child. Perhaps you have a goofy, cheesy grin and crazy, frizzy hair. Did your Mama dress you funny?

Check out the clueless innocence in the eyes of that child that is you.

Did that child have any idea what she/he was in for??? Have the dreams of that child been realized?

I spent last week surrounded by little girls in various sparkly costumes and leotards. They were so vibrant and fresh faced. I thought about all the crap those happy little girls will have to go through as they grow and mature and face PMS, zits and maybe even stretch marks and cellulite.

Later in life they will learn that boys are after only one thing and it ain’t hand holdin’. Some of them (very few) will realize their worth and respect themselves. But MOST of them will learn the HARD way.

Some of them will give up their virtue because they thinks it equates to Love. Then they will go all nuts and start calling the dude’s house and hanging up and driving by every night and he will call her psycho but really she’s just looking for her lost virtue and he has it. JERK.

ALL of them will experience some form of heartbreak. Many of them will get married. 50% of those will end up divorced.

Then everyone, male and female, will get old and saggy and baggy and grow facial hair. Everything will sag. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Male. Female. Transgender. No one is exempt so get ready! They will lose their sight and hearing and pass gas in public and then say “Whoops. That one just slipped out…”.

So if I could converse with the 10 year old Crys here is how my convo might go:


“Hey little Crystal,” I would say. “This is you in the future. You are married with four beautiful children.”

“So I’m OLD?”

“I’m 33.”

“So I’m OLD.”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“You really want to make everybody around you happy, don’t you? You’ll do anything to please your parents and teachers.”

“Well. Yeah.”

“You’re important too.”

“I know,” she would say.

“No. You don’t. You clean the entire house and get straight A‘s your whole life. You follow the rules.  Those things will not make Them love you more.”


“And when you get hitched, cooking perfect meals and keeping perfect kids and house will not make them love you more either.”

“It won’t? Really?”

“No. It won’t. Just be you. Just be happy.

I have a bit more advice for you. Avoid all boys whose names start with B, S, V, P, Q, W, M, A, E, I, O and U. And K and Z.”


“Just TRUST ME!”


“It would also be cool if you could avoid the whole big frizzy hair thing in Junior High. And when you sneak out to go dancing as a 16 year old you gotta be REALLY, REALLY sneaky. That mother of ours has super human hearing.”

“Am I a good dancer?”

“YOU ARE A CRAZY AMAZING DANCER! KEEP DANCING! IT MAKES US HAPPY! Salsa is our favorite. We dance at Brigham Young University and every club in the vicinity.”


“Also, when you’re seventeen CORAL is the one who throws away all your tank tops because she thinks you dress too immodestly. She will later apologize.”


I’m sure I’d have A LOT more to say to myself if I were given the opportunity. I probably wouldn’t follow my advice though. Which is just like me.

Seriously, what kind of stuff would you say to you? Would it make a difference? Would you change what you’ve done and how you’ve done it?

I don’t want you stressing about getting old. I feel a bit badly about reminding you that you are, in essence, ROTTING as you read this. If you look good right now, it won’t last long. If you DON’T look good than I suppose you have nothing to worry about… you’re ahead of the game.

I’d like to call myself in the future too. I’d like to know how things are gonna go for me. But what if I tried calling myself and realized I was DEAD … or WORSE!? I’m not sure how I would feel about that so I won’t.

PS  I'm the one with the enormous goofy grin. :)  Sorry about the glare, Michelle.