"Buddy, I don't have the funds to buy each of you a toy from Target today," I said.
I WANTED to though. I wanted to BUY SOMETHING.
Mindless Consumerism is REALLY, REALLY super FUN!
I had an epiphany.
"Everybody come here," I yelled from my comfy bed. They all came running and cuddled up with me. "Today I will take you to THE DOLLAR STORE!!!! I will buy you each ONE TOY. ONE!!!!!"
In my mind I really had visions of each child euphorically clutching the thrifty toy of their choice and me only spending $4.00.
I'm a fool.
As soon as we entered the store it began.
"IT'S ONLY A DOLLAR, MAMA! Can we have TWO toys each?!"
My son weighed his options carefully. The process stressed him to no end.
"I just can't decide!"
Bella is my artist and beelined it to the coloring section.
Serena made her way to the hair and cosmetic isle. Upon discovering hair dye she suddenly decided she needed a more dramatic look.
She said, "I HATE MY HAIR! I want it BLACK. Like YOURS!"
"Absolutely NOT!" I replied. That is the only issue I put my foot down on.
Maya convinced my she was in dire need of sparkly orange hair and costume jewelry.
I was elated by everything that was happening here. I felt LIBERATED! I could buy ANYTHING IN THE STORE! ANYTHING!
I almost purchased several plastic pom-poms because I was never a cheerleader. When I was in high school I thought I was too cool to be bouncing around with bows in my hair and panties sewn into my tiny purple skirt and perhaps subconsciously I wish I could go back and join a pyramid of giggling girls and shout "GO SABERCATS! GO!"
I also was tempted to purchase a couple batons filled with glitter because the baton twirlers were without a doubt the most NOT cool folks to walk the high school grounds and I wanted to tap into my inner social retard.
I ended up purchasing generic Lysol, generic toilet cleanser, generic glass cleaner and an AWESOME BANANA CLIP! I'm pretty excited to try it out.
The grand total for all this joy?
$25.09!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was PRACTICALLY FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
America is a pretty great country! I mean, I still can't believe our luck on finding an inflatable monkey. An INFLATABLE MONKEY FOR A BUCK????!!!! I'm sorry for the people in sweatshops across the globe who make buying inflatable monkeys for a dollar possible, but my son is clearly pleased.
When we got in the car with our purchases I was feelin' pretty darn good.
Then Maya said, "Hey! THIS IS JUST JUNK!!! My jewelry BROKE!"
You win some you lose some.
