WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME?
Yeah. I like to talk about myself A LOT on my blog. That’s’ because it’s MY BLOG! I can write whatever I want! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In real life things are not about me. They are about kids and husband and parents and siblings and friends and church people. Things are about everyone BUT me. The only time I REALLY focus on ME is when I write… and even THEN I’m often focusing on how to please YOU!
In real life I’m a LISTENER. I just sit an listen, listen, listen. I nod. I comfort. I sooth. My husband often says he is the “babbling brook” and I’m the “dead sea”. I just take it all in.
People from near and far come to me to ask for guidance and a warm response. Why they do this I just don’t know. I don’t know my ass from my elbow most days…
All day long I focus on making everyone around me comfy and happy and loved. I enjoy making the people around me comfy and happy and loved. When they are happy, I am happy. It’s what I live for! But it’s not WHO I am, is it?
WHO AM I THEN? ….Seriously! WHO?? WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK OF ME?!
Do you ever ask yourself those questions?
For the last month I’ve carried a book in my bag entitled “How to think like Leonardo De Vinci~ Seven Steps to Genius Everyday” by Michael J. Gelb.
The book is in tatters. Every page is highlighted, underlined, tear-stained and drooled upon (‘cause I sometimes fall asleep when I’m doing the contemplation exercises because I‘m so damn tired from taking care of all of UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! The drooling is ALL YOUR FAULT! …I don‘t mind… I‘m just sayin’…I will drool for you ANYDAY!).
LEO AND I ARE TIGHT LIKE THAT NOW. We are like THIS, ya know?!
To be more like Leo the book suggests asking yourself questions and then contemplating them… Here are two I’ve pondered. I will answer them for myself. (I know you are just DYING to read more about MEEEEEEE. I will honor you with my humble responses.)
I think YOU should answer them too! OOOOOOO THEN WE CAN HAVE A SLUMBER PARTY AND DISCUSS IT! I JUST CAN’T WAIT! I’M POSTIVELY GIDDY HERE!
MmmmmmK. Ready? Here we go…
WHEN AM I MOST NATURALLY MYSELF?
ALONE. ALONE. A LONE RANGER. I super duper dig bein’ allll alone.
That’s when I re-charge.
Tonight my mom was like, “Come watch a movie with your dad and I. You can lay on the bed with us.”
I was like, “Nah. I’m gonna go to a movie.”
She was all, “Oh! I’LL COME WITH YOU!”
I was like, “Sorry, Mom. I need to be alone. I don’t wanna have to TALK to people and I don’t wanna have to LISTEN to people.”
“Crystal, WE are not PEOPLE!” she said.
“Yes. You are people. And I love you very much but I’m done with humans for the day.”
YOU THINK I’M WEIRD NOW! Well, that’s just GREAT! What kind of person is done with humans on a Saturday night?! I’ll tell ya! A MORMON MOMMY OF FOUR WHO DEVOTES EVERY SPARE SECOND TO MAKING THE WORLD A BRIGHTER PLACE!
The above mentioned book reads,
“Although Da Vinci loved exchanging ideas with others, he knew that his most creative insights came when he was alone. He wrote:
“The painter must be solitary… For if you are alone you are completely yourself, but if you are accompanied by a single companion you are half yourself.”
AMEN, LEO! I TOTALLY FEEL YA, BRO! So I go to movies all alone and I sit in the dark with an enormous popcorn and Diet Coke and I laugh HARD (or cry hard… depending on which response is appropriate…). And guess what? I don’t have to ask anybody’s opinion on what movie to see or where to sit, do I? (There ARE the various voices in my head… and I MUST take their opinions into consideration… but you feel me, right?)
That’s just ONE example. I LOVE sitting alone in my room. I love DRIVING alone and singing at the top of my lungs. I hardly EVER cry in front of people. I prefer to do it ALONE. (I mean, I DO photograph my mascara-messy tear stained face sometimes for my blog, which I realize is a TRULY BAZZAARRRE thing to do but that’s just a CRY FOR HELLLLLPPPPPP. Soooooo…… no worries…whatev….I‘m fine.). I also enjoy BOOTY DANCING in my kitchen ALONE. You see a theme here?
MMMMMK? Mmmmk. Next question…
HOW AM I PERCIEVED BY: MY CLOSEST FRIEND, MY WORST ENEMIES, MY BOSS, MY CHILDREN, MY SIBLINGS, ETC…?
Yesterday my dad randomly said, “Crys, you are only crazy on the outside.”
“I am?” I asked. I was perplexed. I trust my dad. He is one of the most sane, gentle, NORMAL people I know.
He continued, “Underneath all the silliness you really have it together. People know that. That’s why they come to you for advice. That’s why people are drawn to you. You are a lot of fun but when it comes to brass tacks you know what life is about.”
MY DAD THINKS I HAVE IT TOGETHER!!!! YESSSSSSSSS! TOTALLY HAVE HIM FOOLED…
Last week my girlfriend, D, said, “You are the Mormon Sarah Silverman.”
Huh?
“Nobody is safe from your blatant honesty. You are hilarious and NOBODY IS SAFE. You see the humor in EVERYTHING. And you have no problem calling people out.”
THE MORMON SARAH SILVERMAN?! OMG! THAT IS SOOOOO COOL!
But then I was like, “Why do I gotta be the MORMON Sarah?”
“Because you are not as crude as she is….”.
HA! No comment. Mormon Sarah it is.
My Aunt Net recently said she loved my hot, Mexican temper. Well of course that pissed me off RIGHT AWAY! (Kidding. I wasn't mad. But I was like... nuh uh! I do NOT have a hot temper! Grrrrrrr! :)
(I really don't though... I have a very long fuse but then BLAM! MOMMA GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT!)
I asked my fam what they thought of me.
Mr. Pistol: “You are the most amazing woman on the planet.”
Bella: “You are a weird-o with some good taste of style. You are crazy. ”
Serena: “ You’re funny. Good mom and nice. Generous. You‘re top heavy.”
Tyson: “You are sooo pretty and the nicest mommy ever and I love you sooooo much.”
Maya: “You are the best Mommy I have ever had….”.
I texted a few people to ask their opinions as well. My favorite response was from my cousin Megan Davis, but I’m not gonna repeat all of it because it was SOOOO nice and heartfelt and generous that I would feel like I was REALLY EXTRA SUPER self-indulgent if I wrote it... Because it would be TOTALLY out of character to do ANYTHING self-indulgent! (Check out her music on MySpace. She is amazing!)
I WILL tell you that she said I had an “AMAZING ABILITY TO SMILE WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE BLOWING YOUR BRAINS OUT- JUST SO OTHERS WILL NOT SUFFER FROM YOUR SADNESS. AS STRONG AS AN OX.”
Wow. I cried. (I’m a talented crier as of late…)
Here as some negative words people have used to describe me in the past month:
Selfish, insane, immature, pathetic, ungrateful, critical, unfair, offensive, gossiper….
I’ll do my best to internalize these things and change for the better… Or maybe I'll say SCREW ALL OF YOU WHO THINK THESE THINGS. I'M BEST OF THE BEST AND YOU'RE DAMN LUCKY TO KNOW ME!.. but probably I'll just stress about it and try to be better...
ARE YOU BORED? Ugh. The WHOLE time I’m writing this I’m like, This should be a journal entry, Crys. Nobody CARES how YOU would answer these questions. People only care about how THEY would answer these questions….
SO GO AHEAD! ANSWER THEM! I’m DYING to know about YOU!
READY FOR A SLUMBER PARTY IN WHICH WE BARE OUR SOULS?! I AM! PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
