Are you a Mother of small children? Are you run down? Feeling under-the-weather? If so pick up your phone and dial 1-800-NO-ONE-GIVES -A-CRAP! THAAAAT’S RIGHT FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF SACRIFICING YOUR BODY AND SOUL FOR YOUR FAMILY YOU CAN CALL 1-800-NO-ONE-GIVES-A-CRAP AND NO ONE WILL!
ARE YOU EXPECTED TO GET OUT OF BED WHEN YOU ARE ILL AND GIVE SERVICE WITH A SMILE ALL THE DAY LONG? WANT SOME SYMPATHY? WELLLL PICK UP THAT PHONE AND DIAL 1-800-NO-ONE-GIVES-A-CRAP…. AND YOU‘LL NOT ONLY GET NO SYMPATHY YOU‘LL ALLLSOOOO GET A SLAP IN THE FACE FROM REALITY ABSOLUTELY FREEEEEE!!!!
..And scene…
I realize my advertisement featured too many letters for a REAL phone number. But don’t you see?? If you are a mommy of children (large or small) there IS no number to be called when you’re sick! You gotta SUCK IT UP!
People may say things like, “Oh… I’m sorry you’re sick. I hope you feel better soon!” But they don’t MEAN it, do they? They walk away and forget about you!
Some people even go so far as to say, “OH! I wish I could bring you some chicken soup!”
You DO? Well… WHERE IS IT? If you WISH hard enough you can achieve ANYTHING! WHERE IS MY DAMN SOUP? HUH?!
I’m in a foul mood.
I am Little-Miss-Dayquil-for-Day-Nyquil-for-Night. SICK. SICK. SICK.
I’M MAD AT THE WORLD.
I wore my monochromatic jailbird shirt because I am imprisoned by my body. I LIVE IN HERE! And I feel yucky! I can’t get out.
I want to take my frustrations out on random strangers.
Every person I pass in public today looks pretty stupid to me. I actually wish I had one of those “I’m with Stupid T-shirts” so I could apply it Universally. I imagine myself standing next to random people with innocence written upon my face and allowing the shirt to do my evil bidding.
People would think to themselves, “Does she mean ME?"
I would think back at them with my mental telepathy, It’s JUST A SHIRT, STUPID! Sheesh! Man! I AM with STUPID! Get a load of STUPID, EVERYONE!
I’m not usually this mean. In fact, this is (almost) unprecedented! I’m a NICE person. With NICE, generous thoughts about my fellow humans.
But today I’m faced with stark Reality. I am expected to perform normally when I am far below par.
Reality is NOT my friend. Today she has slapped me in my face full of cold and flu symptoms.
Today at 8:30 am I lay on a table at the public park as I waited for pre-school to start.
“Snap a shot of me on my death bed, Maya. I feel yucky.”
“Ok, Mama, but you have to promise you’ll give me an underdog on the swings when I‘m done.”
“But Maya, I feel yucky! Can’t I just lay here until it’s time to go?”
She laughed as if I had told a hilarious joke.
“Nooooooo! You need to give me an underdog!”
I complied. “I’m gonna just lay on the grass now, K, Maya?”
“Mama, don’t be silly! You should just swing next to me in case I need ANOTHER underdog.”
She smiled. I melted. STUPIDLY.
ARE YOU A PUSHOVER? IF SO CALL I-800.……….
