I stole stuff when I was a kid. 5 year old CLEPTOMANIAC. I always got spanked. I didn't mind. I kept stealing.
I stole gum. I stole dolls. I stole pants. I stole books. (I've always really had a strong affinity for books... and pants...)
The pants I actually stole from my friend in high school and I felt so bad ten years later I confessed and gave her a bunch of clothes. She thought I was a little nuts but understands me pretty well so we're still tight like that...
Sometimes I got caught. Sometimes I didn't. Sometimes i confessed. Sometimes I didn't.
Sometimes I SHARED the booty. I was Robin Hood. I was a re-distributer of wealth... I took Watermelon Favored Bubble Yum from the wealthy grocery store (who wouldn't even MISS it) and gave it to my siblings (who usually got in trouble for encouraging my addiction...).
I came to this earth with an over-powering desire for STUFF.
I came to this Earth with an over-powering desire for the thrill of hot-handing that which did not belong to me. I suppose the rush made me feel alive at five. OOOO poetry. Alive. Five. LOVE THAT!
I have mastered the urge to shoplift. I mean, now that the economy sucks and I feel like the state of it is everyone's fault but my own I may start again. I might convince myself the government owes me at least one pair of booty-lifting designer jeans a month...
So lately I've been watching my five year old closely for CLEPTO tendancies.
She's clean.
In fact, she's a sharer!!!!
Today she brought a ladybug called Mr. Spike to the Preschool Mother's Day breakfast. She held Mr. Spike on the tip of her finger for an hour as we drove.
"Mr. Spike is special." she said.
She walked into her classroom smelling of rose bushes, dirt, Mr. Spike and confidence.
She spoke loudly to everyone and no one.
"Wanna share my ladybug? But you can't keep him but you can let him walk on your hand..."
"But can I keep him?" asked a little boy.
"No," said another. "But you can let him walk on your hand..."
"But DON'T kill him.... He's special. He has already had his metamorphsisisis..." said Maya.
There was a child that kept trying to disappear with Mr. Spike. HE WANTED TO SWIPE MR. SPIKE RIGHT FROM UNDER OUR NOSES! Can you BELIEVE this crap?
At first I was pissed! I was like, what kind of kid tries to steal a LADYBUG!?
Then I was like, OOOOHHHHHHHH. Oh I see who you are now. You are me, little boy. I saw the boy and understood his demon.
We are ALL born with demons, aren't we?
What are YOUR demons? I really am dying to know. If you could just post them anonymously I'd LOVE it. Just write: LIAR or DRUG ADDICT or VAIN BEYOND REASON or RACIST or BACK STABBER or PERPETUALLY ANGRY or FOOD ADDICT or UNGRATEFUL ...
Whatever. I just want to know so I can feel better about being so very very flawed myself.
It's cool that we all have demons. We just gotta get a grip on 'em, ya know? Grab 'em by their hairy scary fat throats, knee 'em in the groin and give 'em a good face plant. They are gonna squeal a bit... But you got this! I got this.
I WILL NOT FIVE FINGER DISCOUNT THE GUCCI SUNGLASSES AT THE MALL. I WILL NOT FIVE FINGER DISCOUNT THE COLLECTORS EDITION OF ALL OF C.S. LEWIS MAJOR WORKS. It would be SO easy! BUT I WILL NOT PRETEND TO TRY ON A HOT BRA AND PANTY SET FROM VIX AND WEAR IT OUT OF THE STORE.
You see? This is me grabbin' my demon by the throat. Given the current economy I' pretty proud of my efforts and ultimate success.
Now... let's hear what is responsible for eating you alive with guilt... This is gonna be goooood... Pleaze play with me.
OOOOO BTW I bought this dress yesterday at Forever cuz I wanted to buy my very own Mother's Day present and it was $29!!! I KNOW, RIGHT? CRAZY! I used to use $29 as scratch paper... Look at me NOW!
