Thursday, April 1, 2010


Chaos smiles at me when I stumble out of bed at 11 am.  I groan.

"It's going to be an interesting day," he says tipping his purple felt hat.

"Go away!" I say.  "Don't do this to me.  Not today!"

"I think I'll stay."

I rush to take Syd to work and pick Maya up from preschool.  I have not showered.  I'm still in my pajamas.  I stink.  My hair stands on end.

Chaos will give you a run for your money.  Scientists, artists and philosphers alike have done their best to quantify Chaos.  But he is too sly.  Too quick.  He is a free spirit and refuses be tied down to mathematical equations and predicatible wheather reports.  He does a jig on their philosophies and leaves them in a Chaotic quandry.

In an attempt to define chaos, Gleik referes to one of Chaos's features as "the butterfly effect".  Meaning if a lil itty bitty butterfly flaps her wings in Tucson a Tornado could be the result somewhere in the Indonesian coast.

Chaos laughs at us as we try to figure him out.  There is no rhyme or reason.  Just movement.  Just chaos.

Choas has ruled my world and my mind for almost 6 months now.  I coped with his constant presence by slipping into a nasty depression and letting the world fall apart around me.  Chaos comes when we are unaware and unprepared.  A whirlwind of love, lust, hate, confusion, wind, tears, loss, burden, beatings, pushing, pulling, illness, frustration, elation.


My daughter has MONO!  My dishwasher broke.  I am the new dishwasher to avoid the further spreading of the foul virus.  The hot water scalds my hands.  I don't care. Kill the germs.  DIE, GERMS,DIE!  My little Serena resembles a vampire with her very pale skin and dark circles under her bright blue eyes.

Handwashing dishes ruins my nails.

Late for a Dr. appt.  Tyson came to me complaining of allergies.  We are out of children's Benedryl.

"Here, son, take an adult Benedryl.  You may be a little sleepy.  Come on!  I'm late for my appointment," I say.

I have drugged my son.

"Who locked the keys in the car?!"  UGH!!!

"Coral can I borrow your truck?  I've gotta see the doc."

Off I go on a 45 min drive to see the doc.

I have drugged my son.

On the drive CHAOS sits on my lap and tempts me to check Facebook on my phone.  He giggles and says, "It's been a good day!  You should write that for all to know.  You drugged your son."

"Shut up."

"You always say you live to love and love to live!  Well, girl, THIS. IS. LIVIN'!"

He has a point.  In my mind Choas is better than Boredom.  When Boredom shows up with board games and footy pajamas I exit the building.

Ah the Doc.  Take my blood.  I don't mind.  I like to watch.  My favorite color is the red of my own blood.  Warm.  Deep.  Real.  Life giving.  Life living. 

Mind if I take a pic?  I love watching the blood bubble up into the little tube.  Can't take my eyes off.


Chaos leaves the room with a bow and allows Mono to take my hand.  We will become well aquanted, this virus and I.  I close my eyes.  I am exhausted.