If you want your children to KILL each other you should buy them a puppy. ( I am attempting to appear regal and wise in this picture...)
Yesterday I drove with my four kids and my new puppy to the pet store.
They were shouting at each other. The conversation was like, "GIVE ME THE PUPPY! YOU HELD HER LAST TIME! YOU'RE MEAN! YOU GET TO HOLD HER FOR 30 MORE SECONDS! LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M COUNTING YOUR SECONDS...1,2,3,4,5! I'M NOT GONNA GIVE HER TO YOU! YES YOU ARE! NO i'M NOT! QUIT HITTING ME! THEN STOPPING POKING ME WITH YOUR UGLY ELBOW!....... MOM!!!!!!!"
In my head I calmly thought (sang), Puff the magic Draaaagooon liived by the seeeaaaa.... Then I thought, If I were a dragon I'd live in a cave too.
I knew they were saying something but I was thinking about Puff and little Jackie Paper. I was BUSY. So I ignored them. ( I did hear the part about 'ugly elbow'. I applaud creativity, even if only in my mind...)
I heard the puppy YELP. I realized they were very close to ripping the dog in half (or quarters).
So I shouted above the noise, "LISTEN UP!"
It got quiet.
"Give me the dog. I'm gonna tell you a story," I said putting Roxy on my lap. "Once there was a wise king and two women brought the king a baby. Each woman said, 'that baby is MINE!'. So the king told the women he would cut the baby in half...".
"I already KNOW this story," said Maya (5).
"Pipe down," I said "or I'll slice this puppy in half!"
"NOOOOOO!" said Maya.
"Yes. I think I WILL slice her up. I have a very sharp knife at home. She won't feel a THING," I said.
Serena (who is the eldest and wisest and trickiest) said, "Give the puppy to Maya, Mama. I don't want you to chop up poor Roxy. Let Maya have her!"
You see what she was going for here, right?
I gave the dog to T-bone (7), who looked at his sisters and said, "Ha!".
Serena pouted. "Well then can I carry her new food bowl to the car?"
I gave her the bowl I had purchased only moments ago in pristine condition.
She dropped it and said, "No WONDER that bowl was on sale! It's broken!"
Good thing I had not given her the dog.
