Ok, so I totally took an upper today. This is the poison I like to injest sometimes before I lift. It makes me crazy strong and crazy crazy. Plus it makes me feel like AHHHHHH I'M GONNA RUN AROUND MY HOUSE A FEW TIMES THEN I'LL RUN AROUND YOUR HOUSE THEN I'LL JUMP UP AND DOWN AND DO A HANDSTAND AND A CARTWHEEL. THEN I'LL SCRUB ALL THE WALLS IN MY HOUSE WITH A TOOTHBRUSH CUZ YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CLEAN. THEN I'LL FLY AND GROW A HORN LIKE A UNICORN.... *gasps for breath* THEN I'LL....
You catch my drift? I should SOOO not ever ever take this stuff. I KNOW this. It's bad. YOU should DEFINATELY not take this stuff. (Unless of course you wanna be as strong as an OX and have tons of energy for the rest of the day and scrub all the walls in your house with a toothbrush and.... I'm doing it again, huh? Sorry. I'm slightly amped. GAAAAAAAAHHH AHHHHHH WEEEEEEE BAAAHHHHHHH!!!
I'm fine. Really. My eye is twitching a little but I'm good. (My eye isn't really twitching but I made myself laugh when I wrote that. It was a maniacal laugh.)
So this is what I wore to the gym. I like to wear hats to the gym. I tell ya why. NO EYE CONTACT!
Listen to me ladies, if you decide (and I think you SHOULD decide...) to start lifting weights in the free weight area of your gym you should take precautions. The testosterone in that area is highly tangible. It's like stepping into a testosterone dispensing sauna. Men are LITERALLY PEEING on everything in sight to stake their claim... (Ok so not LITERALLY but I made myself laugh again... maniacally, of course.)
I have a NO EYE CONTACT policy when I work out. So I wear a hat LOW so half my face is covered. I keep a straight face and look kinda mean and totally unapproachable. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOU, says my face. It also says, I AM NOT IMPRESSED!
I'm not saying this because I think I'm THE HOTTEST ticket since Sophia Loren. I'm saying it because if you're a chick and you walk around acting like you are open for suggestion then suggestions will be made. Most of the people who read this are innocent Mormon Mommies. I feel protective. In the gym men feel strong and virile. It's all very ME TARZAN, YOU JANE. Super primal vibe. (If you ARE open to suggestion please disregard this warning.) (If you're a MAN reading this: I got your number, buddy! HAHAHAHAHAHA!)
DOOOOOOOOOOOOODE! I'm really funny. And really hyper.
Last time I talked to my cousin, Aaron, he said, "Hey Bro... What do you squat?" First off I totally dig he calls me 'Bro'. Secondly, that sentance is Meathead for 'How much weight do you use when you do squats?' I'll show ya.
This is called a leg press. (I do squats but today I used this machine instead. It has a very similar effect.)
Every big black round weight is called a PLATE. Each plate is 45lbs. Today I put 8 plates on the leg press machine. (I'll let you do the math.) I did 4 sets of 10.
In Meathead I would say, 'I repped 4 plates on leg press. 4 sets of 10.'
The English translation would be 'I put 4 plates on each side of the leg press machine. Then I pushed the weight with my legs 10 times. The I took a 2 minute break. Then I pushed the weight again. I repeated the process 4 times.'
I simply MUST share that there were two men on the leg press next to me who were also using '4 plates' (which actually means 8 plates). I didn't MEAN to lift the same as them. I wasn't TRYING to SHOW OFF! That's what I ALWAYS lift! Is it my fault they are WEEEEEAAAAAAKKKKK?! BAHAHAHAHHA!
I don't know if you realize this but I'm SHE-RAAAAAAAA! "BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL! I HAVE THE POWWWWEEEERRRRR!"
Immediatly after lifting I always chug a protein shake. I always feel like it's an emergency! My muscles WILL NOT respond to all my hard work if I don't FEED them! Protein. Protein. Protein.
P.S. Tips for leg press. You must lower weight all the way to your chest. Push the weight primarily with your heels. Squeeze your glutes HARD. Don't forget to breathe. Exhale on the exertion. Focus. Be careful. You could really hurt yourself. NO EYE CONTACT! (Unless of course you WANT eye contact...In which case, I have nothing more to say to you.).
PSS I AM VERY STRONG IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW I DO IT! :) (I'm also very humble.)
QUESTIONS ANYONE?
