Friday, February 26, 2010

Men Are Big Babies (PG-13)

"Men are big babies," said my brother-in-law, Jason.  "Believe it!"

"Oh, trust me.  I know!"  I replied.  "Tell me more."

"Men want their wives to replace their mothers.  They just want to be taken care of.  They want to act like big strong macho men but they want their woman to baby them stoke their egos to MAKE them feel like big, strong macho men."

"Dr. Laura says women have almost full control in a relationship with a man. Do you agree?"

"Absolutely!  When Sydni babies me she knows she gets whatever she wants."
(He also said "I don't care what anybody says.  EVERY man wants to hook up with EVERY woman he sees.  It's how we are programmed.  It's all about bridling our passions."... Gotta love his honesty. Feel free to disagree.)

I've thought about this conversation quite a bit. My brain hurts from the thinking.  How do I feel about this????? 

Ever heard of Dr. Laura?  My husband and Jason LOVE her.  They agree with everything she says.  I can't stand the woman.  I find her abrasive and I think she insults men with the idea they are primal beasts.  BUT THEY LIKE HER!  What does this mean?  What does this mean for ME?!

 Men ARE big babies!  I know exactly what Jason was trying to say.  As a wife of my very own big baby it's a concept I'm familiar with.

Does this idea offend you?  Sometimes it REALLY offends me..., HOWEVER...  I have found that if I play by Dr. Laura's rules my particular man is happy as a pig in poop.

I can't claim to be the perfect wife.  I'll admit I've got issues at times.  But I KNOW what it takes to keep my man happy. 

I've learned that my man likes to be fed, nursed, tucked into bed, coddled and pampered.

 For 13 years I have cooked well balanced meals that are ready when he walks through the door.  My children are scrubbed and tubbed so I can focus on Mr. Pistol.  I listen to what he has to say about his day, I tell him he's better than everyone he talked to that day.   I build him up with encouragement and lots of kudos for a job well done. 

I also make sure my body is ROCKIN'.  I offer myself as a gift in the bedroom.  What a shoddy gift it would be if I wasn't doing my very best to please him visually.  I want my man to know I love him more than I love Super Nachos and brownies. I want to be confident and comfortable with my body so I can focus on the task at hand and please my man.   Dr. Laura says men take the physical appearance of their woman personally.  They feel unloved if she lets herself go.   Makes sense to me.

I am ALWAYS available for a romp.  Dr. Laura says withholding sex from your husband is the same as being unfaithful.  Apparently, some women don't like sex and use it as a manipulation device. EVIL!  LIke the fru-its of the DEVIL!  (I also give my man lots of kudos for a job well done in the bedroom...  This is important!)

She says men are physical and women are emotional.  Men want to fix a situation and women just want to vent.  Her advice is for women to quit confusing their men with so many words.

I NEVER nag. NEVER.  He may be a big baby but he's not a child.

So these are some of Dr Laura's tips for a happy man. 

I know the recipe.  I've baked the bread.  But I'm wondering how I REALLY feel about all of this... Feminists detests Dr. Laura and her theory.  They say she pushes women back into the 1940's with her erroneous advice.

I'm a pleaser.  So I suppose that I'm happiest when the people I love are happy.  If treating my big, strong man like a big ol' baby is what I gotta do to make him smile then Okey dokey!

Pardon me while I go warm his BA-BA! ;)