Monday, December 28, 2009


Jason asked, "Hey, Crystal, can I have these truffles?  They're my favorite!"

Internally I thought, 'Nooooooooooo!  I was totally gonna devour those later!"

Externally I said, "Of course!  Go for it!"

Syndi said, "Crys, you dont have to give them to him.  We know you'd give us the shirt off your back."

I laughed, "I'd give you the shirt off my back only to give you a little peep show of what's UNDERNEATH the shirt!  It's impressive, I assure you."

We all laughed.  HA HA HA.  I never saw the truffles again...

Sydni paid me an ENORMOUS compliment today.  I haven't stopped thinking about it.  I feel so validated yet humbled that someone would voice those words about me.

I've tried to decipher why I have a generous spirit.  I believe it's a case of Nature VS Nurture with a pinch of selfishness.

I'll start with the selfishness.  I am hopelessly flawed.  God knows my heart.  I cannot lie to God. He knows my every thought and desire.  He knows every sinful thought that enters my mind. (Not sure how fair that is, but whatever...)

I want God to view me in a good light despite my monsterously human flaws.  So sometimes I serve others in order to win brownie points with The Man upstairs.  Maybe my good deeds will cancel out my bad ones.  Just a thought.

Nurture.  I'll tell ya a story.

When I was 10 years old I had a very good friend named Anna.  Anna had a little sister, Angalee, who was best friends with Coral (my little sister).  The four of us played together often.

One day, 8 year old Angalee came to Coral in tears.  Her step brother had just returned home on leave from the military.  He had taken the opportunity to sexually abuse little Angalee.  He had been doing it to Anna for years but no one ever knew.

Coral and I learned about lewd sexual acts at very young ages.  They were explained thouroughly in child-like detail. 

The man was a monster.

Coral ran straight to my Mom.  Mom ran straight to their home to find their step-mother naked in her living room giving herself a bikini wax.  Emotions ran high as step-mother refused to believe her son could do such a thing.  "Those girls are Liars!,' she said.

Without another word my mother stormed into their house and grabbed as many of the girl's clothes and shoes as she could.  She then informed the woman she would be keeping Anna and Angalee until further notice.

Those girls lived with us for two years.  They were our sisters.  We shared clothes and beds.  We laughed and fought.  We loved each other.  They eventually went to live with a grandmother in California.

My mother never thought twice about how having two extra children would inconvenience her. She saw a need and she filled it.  Enough said. (This is just one of the MANY good deeds wrought by my mother.)

My mother has been generous enough to bail out family members from incarceration and generous enough to pay people's mortgage until they can pay themselves. 

My mother is the most charitable person I know.

So, clearly my generousity has been learned.  Nurture is the prime componant here.  Monkey see, monkey do.

However, Nature is interesting.  Since I was a child I have always understood my role in life is to care for everyone around me, both physically and emotionally.  I'm blessed to have such an enormous capacity to Love.  I'm also blessed to be patient and strong mentally so I can assist in lifting what the weak cannot.

I understand that "charity beareth all things, hopeth all things and endureth all things."  I constantly find myself trying to make the burdens of others lighter. By making my own burdens heavier I can forget the things that ail me. 

I understand that, "charity vaunteth not itself and is not puffed up." With charity I get to practice humility (which is tough for me!)  Altthough today in church I was TOTALLY coveting Becca Madsen's satin red stilletos!  Ahhhh.  It was a spiritual experience for me, I assure you.

The bottom line here is this:  I am helplessly flawed.  Only God in heaven knows just how flawed I am.  Given that information, I try to find as many opportunities to excercise charity toward others.  It just feels GOOD! 

It's said that of faith, hope and charity; charity is the greatest.  It stands to reason, does it not?  Charity has everything to do with the people around us daily.  Charity is the Pure Love of Christ.  Pure Love.

When I serve others or open my home to family members in need I am experiencing Pure Love.

Who wouldn't want to experience Pure Love?

I'm a chronic sinner.  I desire what I should not.  I kick against the pricks.  I'm (at times) a doubting Thomas.  I plead to my Heavenly Father to look upon the good I do for others when taking into account what sort of person I am.

I'm told to strive for perfection.  Perfection to me is a lighthouse that can only be seen intermitantly for I am on the angry sea.  I will reach it eventually.  But not without a fight.