Thursday, December 10, 2009

Birthday Blizzard

 Me:      "I'M WISHING..."
Maya:      "I'm wishing..."
Me:      "FOR THE ONE I LOVE..."
Maya:    "For the one I love..."
Me:        "TO FIND ME..."
Maya:     "To find me..."
Me:       "TODAY."
Maya:     "Today."

Do you know that Snow White song?  My Snow White impression is pretty amazing so I sing it often.  I even do that  high pitched little run at the end.  I'm teaching Maya to sing like Snow White too.

This week we sang that song a lot.  Why?  I'll tell ya.  It's a good story.

Maya turned 5 on Monday.  Her only wish was to go to Flagstaff and meet Santa on the Polar Express. 

We loaded up the car. Pulled kids out of school and drove three hours before we were stopped.


Cars were lined up for miles waiting for roads to be cleared.  There was no going forward and no going back.

We never made it to see Santa.  All my girls began wailing at the same time when we heard the news.  WAAAHWAAAHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WAS SOOOO EXCITED ABOUT MEETING SANTA AND SLEEPING IN A HOTEL AND NOW WE ARE STUCK IN THE STUPID CAAAAARRRRRRR! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I was very nurturing and tried to make them feel better.  I felt helpless.  I HATE feeling helpless.  I always want to fix it.

I imagined myself transforming into a Super Hero and lifting our car up off the ground.  I carried it straight to Santa's door.  Then Santa looked at me.  He belly laughed and said, "Crystal, you really ARE a pistol!".

I responded humbly, "Just doing my job, Sir."

I have a VERY vivid imagination.

I awoke from my daydream and said,  "I'm so sorry, baby!  If I could fix it, I would.  Let's sing a song..."

We then spent the next 7 HOURS stuck in the car with no food or potties.  Maya turned 5 in my Toyota Sequoia.

I really can't say I hated being stuck in the car like that.  It was kinda nice actually.

Maya opened her birthday presents in the car.  There was wrapping paper and toys up to the ceiling.

I climbed into the back seat with my 4 little  monsters and watched movies.  Labrynth is my FAVE!  I love David Bowie as the Goblin King.  His tights are super hot.  I sang along to all the songs.



Seriously awesome!  I have that whole movie memorized.  I'll recite it for you sometime.

My children got restless and climbed all over the car.  I was kicked in the head by each child at least twice.  Totally not exaggerating here.  My husband was like,

"Hey you kids!  You quit kicking Mama in the head! It's not funny!"

Then I totally started laughing which completely encouraged them to AIM for my head with their grubby little feet. 

What was the highlight of the trip?

Well I'd have to say the highlight was when I kicked my husband out of the car into the snow so I could pee in a 44oz cup. TMI?  Whatever.  When ya gotta go ya gotta go.  And I would SO never let a man watch me do my thing.  (What's up with married couples thinking it's cool to do their private BIZ-NESS in front of each other?  Ick!  How can you feel amorous toward a person that relieves himself in front of you?!  Talk about killing the mood!  That's a blog in and of itself!... I digress...)

When the girls heard the call of nature I said,  "If Mama can pee in a cup so can you...".  They urinated brilliantly.  No spills.  ( I want to say NO SPILLS NO THRILLS but it doesn't apply here...)

I loved cuddling with my babies and singing Disney songs to them.  I also read them the first chapter of Dickens' A Christmas Carol.  Surprisingly, they enjoyed it!

After seven hours of being cooped up we were turned around and sent packing.  Road conditions were too dangerous.

Maya was very brave.  We celebrated her birthday at home the next day at Peter Piper Pizza which doesn't hold a candle to Santa and the Magic of the Bell but she'll survive.  It'll put hair on her chest.  And isn't that what we ALL want for our children?