Saturday, November 28, 2009

Nutcracker is Ball Busting

It's Nutcracker week.  Nutcracker week is ball busting.  The cast and crew spend loooong hours everyday in preparation. 

I love to be on stage.  I've done it my whole life.  There is nothing like stage make-up and costumes and the roar of an appreciative audience. 

I've also recently discovered I love to be backstage.  I am STAGE MOM extraordinare.  I was asked to dance a small part in the show but if I can't be the star I'm SO not interested.  Instead, I'm back stage applying make up, stripping and dressing dancers and chatting it up with all the other stage moms.

There was serious drama backstage today.  I LOVE IT!! I never get into altercations.  I'm docile as a lamb. BAAAAAA.   But when someone else does I eat it up. Muahahahaha...

One of the dance teachers yelled at a child.  The stage mother belonging to said child started WWIII backstage.  There was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.  So exciting!  I wore my most concerned expression and did all I could to squeeze out every delicious detail.  It happens every year. Fun!

Also, there was a child who was told no glasses are allowed on stage.  She removed her vision aids and blindly danced herself right off the stage.  She flew into the railing below and was wisked off to the hospital.  It's really not funny. HAHAHAHAHA! (The child was fine.  It'll put hair on her chest.)

I spend a great deal of time in the dressing room.  A sign on the door reads "NO MEN.  NO DRINKS.  NO FOOD."  No men? No drinks? No food?  What else is there?!  Of course I jest!  (Sort of...)  To entertain myself and others I brought music tonight.  Lady Gaga inspired many a tu-tued behind to boogey to the beat. 

I'm told tomorrow a mom will sneak in tequila for the stage mommies.  This I have to see!

I find it extremely impressive dancers who are so beautiful and poised on stage can emit such strong and unpleasant odors.  The dressing room is a veritable Bog of Eternal Stench.  Sweaty feet and pits and heaven knows what else bring me to the point of tears for sheer potency alone.  Blough.

Being a stage mom means I get yelled at regularly.  "HURRY! ZIP ME! I'M ON IN 30 SECONDS!"  It means I rub elbows with teenaged girls and listen to what makes them tick.  "I would sooo never wear shoulder pads. Eww."  And I laugh and tell dirty jokes with other moms, "with men it's always tit for tat. Or tat for tit.  Or tit for tit." ;) (You'd have to be there, I guess.)

I'm having fun!