Monday, November 30, 2009


I've had a monsterously crappy day.  I've had a lot of days like that lately.  So I went for a drive.  I listened to Phantom of the Opera and cried.  It was quite cleansing.  But then I realized I had not eaten in a while.  I stopped at Taco Bell (it's the only thing open at 11pm). 

Do you ever feel humialiated when ordering food?  I felt completely foolish when I said,

"I'd like 2 cheesy gordita crunches and a nachos bell grande please." (I ate all of it. Quite tasty.)

I cringe at the very memory.  Say cheesy gordita crunch aloud and see if you don't feel like a complete moron.  Ugh.  All my pride went out the window.

So then I got home and had a post-crying headache. 

There is only one thing that can rememdy a day riddled with tears and humiliation.


Mary-Katherine Gallagher had a few bad days in her time.  She handled those tough times with grace and class.

Did she crumble when her classmates called her PANTY STAIN?! No.  Did she fall apart at being refered to as a NIPPLE HAIR? No.  Did she do a shame spiral when a nun caught her tongue kissing an Oak Tree? Again, a resounding negatory good buddy.

She took lemons and made lemonade.  A weaker woman would lose her poise when called a hyminally challenged dog.  Instead, she stuck her hands in her arm pits and took a good strong sniff to clear her mind.  I do that sometimes.  It really helps.  The smell of stinky pits is very distracting.  I highly recommend.

I'll admit I'm very curious what it would feel like to make out with a stop sign.  She makes it look so appealing!  Next time I have a bad day I'll try it.

I'm in the market for some enormous, baggy, white panties to wear underneath a plaid, pleated skirt.  I'd like to get all tangled up in a pile of metal folding chairs and expose said panties.  I'd end with a confident SUPERSTAR! Ta da!!!!

When Mary cups her breasts while looking in the mirror and makes one of them the mommy and the other the baby (they are different sizes), nothing else in the world exists.  Every negative thought flies when her boobs have a conversation with one another in a high pitched voice. 

Thank you, Mary-Katherine!  You're my hero!   SUPERSTAAAHHHHH!