"Holding hands on the first date is an abomination," says Chastity. "It says so right in the Bible. I can't remember the reference at the moment but..."
"I believe it's found in Proverbs," I say.
"Yes. Proverbs. Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
It has been quite some time since a spirit has paid me a visit. It's my own fault, really. I've been distracted. Busy with life, love and the pursuit of happiness.
Tonight I took a moment to meditate and listen. To see things as they really are. The spirit world is far more accessible when one listens. It's Here, you know. They're watching us. If you pause a moment you can feel them.
The dead are anxiously concerned for our welfare. Perhaps more concerned than we are for our own welfare. Those beyond the grave see what we, in our fallen state, cannot.
Anywho... I was open tonight.
I wore a new-to-me vintage dress. She was $9. Handmade in the late 50's.
It is always a vintage dress that opens my spiritual portal.
"I'm Chastity," says Chastity.
My eyes are closed. I can see her clearly.
"Hello, Chastity. What brings you here tonight?"
"I'm sure you know you are wearing my dress. I made that dress. For my honeymoon. But I died before I had the chance to wear it."
"I'm so sorry. It's a lovely dress. I hope you don't mind my wearing it."
"I suppose not. I would have looked much better in it than you... I was a beautiful, blonde 25 year old... You're an entire decade older! And brunette! It must be terribly boring to have dark hair. ...I was lovely," she sighs wistfully.
"I'm sure you were divine. If you don't mind my asking, how did you die?"
"I was hit by Chevy."
"Yes. Tragic. Did you ever hold hands on the first date when you were single, Crystal?"
"Certainly not!" I say. "No self-respecting Christian girl would lower herself so!"
"My thoughts EXACTLY! Harold tried to hold my hand on the first date. I slapped him silly!
I slapped all the boys who tried to get fresh with me. They seemed to enjoy the challenge. Boys really liked me."
"I'm sure they did," I smile.
"Once a boy tried to PARK with me! Can you IMAGINE! He said we were going to a drive-in movie. Instead he took me to Look Out Point! What kind of a girl did he think I was?! I took the Mary Jane off my pretty little foot and hit him with it repeatedly.
I said to him, I said, 'You take me home right now, Tommy Mooneyhands!'
I decided to fall in love with Harold when he asked me to go steady with him. Harold respected my wishes after I slapped him silly. I appreciated that.
I told him that just because we were going steady did not mean he could get handsy with me! I was saving hand holding for my fiancee.
I dated Harold for five years.
One day he said, 'I have loved you since the moment you slapped me silly. You are a good girl, Chastity. The best. You have saved yourself in every way for your future husband. I would like to be that husband. ...Chastity, will you marry me?"
I took his hands in mine and screamed, 'YES!' There were tears in both our eyes. We were so very happy!
Harold kissed me for the first time after he heard our preacher (and my father) utter the words, 'You may now kiss the bride'.
The kiss was lovely.
I was so overwhelmed by the electric sensation that enveloped my entire body with the power of that kiss, I fainted!
Kissing is POWERFUL!
I wanted more kissing! I never wanted his lips to leave mine again!
I couldn't wait to be done with the reception so I could be alone with Harold and kiss and kiss and kiss some more!
We said farewell (and good riddance) to our guests.
Harold took me to a fancy motel and carried me across the threshold.
But THEN! Oh! Crystal! THEN I discovered what married people are meant to do! It was TERRIBLE! I HAD NO IDEA!"
Chastity is hysterical. She sobs uncontrollably at the memory.
"You mean no one told you what would happen on your wedding night?" I ask.
"Of course not! My parents are good, solid Christians! We don't discuss such base and lewd subjects in our home. It's degrading."
"I see. So what did you do when Harold...um... came to you...".
"I ran outside into the night and mercifully got killed by a Chevy."
Chastity then promptly disappeared.
I appreciate her allowing me to enjoy her dress even though I am a decade older than 25 years of age and a boring brunnette to boot.