Who did Snow White think she was growing in grace and beauty and stealing all the queen's thunder with her youthful face, amazing hair and perfect skin??!!
DOWN WITH SNOW WHITE!!
Snow SHOULD fall!!
I saw the latest Snow White interpretation on Friday. Crappy writing. Mildly funny. Beautiful costuming. Julia Roberts was FLAWLESS!!!
I adore Julia Roberts always. Genius actress. A true star. Not like all the pseudo starlets that run amok these days... Snooki... Kim Kardashian... Ru Paul.
If I could play any three roles in the world I would want to be A) Ms. Hannigan in Annie, B) The Cat Woman and C)The wicked queen from Snow White.
I'm playing the Wicked Queen more and more these days as my daughters grow in grace and beauty.
Suddenly my 13 year old is an inch taller than I. SHE JUST KEEPS GROWING!! SHE'S NOT SHOWING SIGNS OF STOPPING!! I will be dwarfed before I know it.
I will be Mama Dwarf. I will have to seek out Happy and Doc and and Grumpy and ask if there is a vacancy in the little cottage.
HIGH HO HIGH HO! It's off to the plastic surgeon I go...
I fear I will HAVE to start saving for Botox and face lifts and lip plumping so as to keep up with my daughters.
My hair is a sad story compared to theirs. Sad sad sad.
Have we discussed the head of hair on each of my girls??
No?
Well, then. We MUST!
They have GOBS! GOBS!!!!
Gobs of shiny, luscious, curly locks.
Everywhere we roam people stop us to comment on the lush locks of my female children.
"Oh!!! What AMAZING hair!" The people say. Then they look at my sad, sparsely covered head with furrowed brows and wonder aloud, "WHERE did they GET their gorgeous hair?!"
Twits.
...Except for YOU, of course. YOU'RE no twit! Don't be silly! If YOU are one of The People who have entered into like convo with me regarding my girls' hair I don't mind a BIT! YOU are exempt. Let's not discuss it a moment more...
I am always civil to The People and smile tightly through gritted teeth. They cannot help themselves. My daughters have spectacular hair. The People only state the painfully obvious.
In fact, tonight my daughters and I spent the evening creating lovely bows with which to adorn their already OBVIOUSLY special ringlets.
Here are a few shots.
Unlike the evil queen I bare my daughters no ill will. I will not offer them poison apples or banish them to live in a cottage with seven creepy dwarfs.
I am FAR too concerned about my OWN welfare and reflection to worry about punishing them.
I WILL NOT HAVE THEM SHOW ME UP!!
I WILL NOT TAKE A BACKSEAT WHEN I CLEARLY CALLED SHOTGUN LONG BEFORE THEY WERE EVEN BORN!!
If they insist on wearing a pretty little bow on their pretty little heads then I will wear SEVEN pretty little bows to frame MY fair face.
Mirror mirror on the wall...
Who is the most insane of all?
