I didn't get the memo. So I stood before a thousand people with bare nudey arms.
Not only did I stand before them but I was asked to pray. Did you hear me? Let me say it louder..
I WAS ASKED TO PRAY IN FRONT OF ONE THOUSAND HUMANS!!! IN A MICROPHONE! AND ALL THE PEOPLE COULD HEAR MY VOICE! AND SEE MY NAKED ARMS!!!
Sorry I had to shout there... I feel better now.
Tonight was the great Community Messiah Sing Along.
I didn't even KNOW I was gonna sing until three weeks ago when the choir director's wife called me. SHE called ME! ...AT MY HOUSE! WITH HER PHONE!
I was informed that I was invited to sing in Handel's Messiah Choir as a Soprano. And that they had already had several rehearsals but I could just jump in... (I had never even heard 95% of the music prior...).
But I was singin' soprano alright! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HAAAAALLLEUUUUUJAH!
This choir is FANCY. Only FANCY people with amazing voices and talent can sing in it. I didn't even audition cuz the little paper thingy said,
"Accomplished musicians only".
NOT accomplished singers need not apply. So I didn't apply. I can apply myself when I so choose. But here I did not. I am not accomplished. I took 9 years of piano lessons. That's my training. You don't get a medal for piano lessons, ya know...
BUT THEY CALLED ME! MEEEEEE!
Charmed, I'm sure. I accept!!! OH, I ACCEPT!
I made my whole little family get dressed up tonight and I even drugged my parents along. Drugged 'em like I used to drag 'em when I was in first grade singin' Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer at the big Christmas performance.
See... here I am getting Maya ready...
She only cried for an hour about having to wear a pretty dress and letting me curl her hair. You think I exaggerate? Nay. Not so. Tis true. She recovered. I have not.
I wrote a bit of a song...
What Child is this?
Who won't wear her dress...
Her mother is losing her mind...
Catchy, eh?
I managed to get all the children out the door in proper attire on time.
I arrived at the church and was called aside by our illustrious Choir director. (That guy is AMAZING, by the way! Totally love him! Talented, engaging, awesome, good taste in prayer sayers...etc...)
"Will you offer the benediction?" he asked.
"It would be my honor," said I.
"Thank you!" said he.
"No. Thank YOU," said I.
I then proceeded to freak out in my head for the duration of the sing along. Two hours of freaking out.
WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD HE ASK MEEE? WHEN THERE ARE A THOUSAND PERFECTLY GOOD MORMONS IN THE CONGREGATION??!! AND THEY ARE ALL GOOD AND HOLY AND MOLEY... AHHHH!!! HOLY CRAP!!
Just so you know, the Stake President offered the opening prayer. He is the Mormon man who is in charge of like three thousand Mormons in Tucson. And I offered the closing one.
You'll be relieved to discover I did not pass out or have an accident. I thought I might. My prayer was lovely and my voice didn't get all crazy and squeaky from nerves. It was smooth and composed. Phew!
My head exploded at one point, however, due to my hitting a very super dee duper high note. I think I hit a High H in H Major... and then my head exploded. Glitter and confetti flew positively everywhere.
I'm fine now.
The entire evening was an amazing honor for me.
Even though we were asked to wear long sleeves and I was the only painted harlot in short sleeves. And I'm sure people looked at me and thought,
"Yup. That's Crystal Pistol. Always trying to get the wrong kind of attention. Would you just LOOK at her bare naked arms! Shameful, really!"
And I'm just kidding. No one would really think that... but I was supposed to wear long sleeves. Oops.
I sang the songs. Made a few mistakes. In the video below you will see I make a lot of silly faces when I sing. And at one point I thought I might sing with the altos. Whoopsie!
Anywho, all is well. And that's all I have to say about that.
I'm happy as a clam, ma'am.
